Rum Doings

Rum Doings Episode 137

jellycast — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 09:58:52 +0100

Blah blah blah.

Rum Doings Episode 136

jellycast — Mon, 03 Jun 2013 12:08:26 +0100

Flurble blurble burble.

Rum Doings Episode 135

jellycast — Mon, 20 May 2013 14:51:18 +0100

Heaven high. It's episode 135 of Rum Doings, in which we don't discuss all manner of things that we end up discussing anyway. Including the Conservative's peculiar backpeddling on gay marriage, the current state of South Africa, and the new-found potency of the cold virus. There's some lovely chat about Ferage, and then a review of Eurovision. We recall the majesty of Wogan's Web, the dreariness of Doctor Who, and John's potential new house.

Rum Doings Episode 134

jellycast — Wed, 08 May 2013 10:45:00 +0100

Heaven high. It's episode 134 of Rum Doings, in which we don't discuss whether it's time for someone stood up for the rights of the white, hetrosexual male. But we do discuss John's cold, and then a worrying return to cream teas. We explain why some people can't be followed on Twitter, and then have a nice discussion about that nice boy, Justin Bieber. And John puts a hit out on Mark Kermode. We announce plans to close down the Lake District, give away far too many personal details about ourselves, and predict our future leader, Prime Minister Wibblywob, leader of the Spoil Party. And once more we find ourselves upset by the ages of celebrities.

Rum Doings Episode 133

jellycast — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 09:07:18 +0100

Heaven high. It's episode 133 of Rum Doings, in which we don't discuss whether pensioners should donate their bus passes to charity. Instead we somnambulistically chatter about sleep, poo Braille, and periods. Then Nick begins a sizeable lecture on Bach. No, don't be scared, it's good. We express our lifelong dismay that we never married cello players, John regales his anthropological journey into ITV, and we laugh in horror at UKIP. And then we explain in detail how everything is the fault of the immigrants, especially the one that is Nick.

Rum Doings Episode 132

jellycast — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 18:20:34 +0100

Heaven high. It's episode 131 of Rum Doings, in which we don't discuss whether teachers should stop teaching their liberal views of history. Instead we talk about the latest news in the Boston bombings, as insensitively as you might expect.

Rum Doings Episode 131

jellycast — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 17:53:22 +0100

Heaven high. It's episode 131 of Rum Doings, in which we don't discuss what to do with the interest rates. And then despite Nick's insistence before we started recording that he didn't want to, he then insists on talking about John's misogyny/sexism article on RPS for about forty million years. We do also discuss other more important matters, such as The Golden Girls, accidental upgrades, and My Little Pony.

Rum Doings Episode 130

jellycast — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 17:31:39 +0000

Heaven high, listeners. It's episode 129 of Rum Doings, in which we don't discuss whatever happened to the dinosaurs. Instead we talk about how John is the most hated man in the world, Nick's experiences at a comedy gig, and John is finally brought back down to Earth from his delusional celebrity. We then play "Guess The Newspaper From The Headline", the game that's sweeping the nation, Nick explains why the SNP won't win, and then there are more lessons in healthy eating from our nutritionist guru. Learn how Nick's daughter turned into a guinea pig, the murderous ways of Ricarda Bigjoan, and some slightly more introspective discussion of the nature of bullying of trans* people. And bad laughers.

Rum Doings Episode 129

jellycast — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 18:12:25 +0000

We're back, back, back. It's episode 129 of Rum Doings, in which we don't discuss how all this snow cuh global warming! Instead we talk about the silliness of condemning bacon, the sugariness of Coca Cola, and then we partake in the Pukka Bath Quiz. As per usual, Nick insists on talking about videogames, and the SimCity nonsense. And then John explains how forgetting a bag literally led to a matter of life or death. We discuss death, and being old, and how our parents are never allowed to die.

Rum Doings Episode 128

jellycast — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 09:40:48 +0000

It's episode 128 of Rum Doings! This week we don't discuss the illegality of trains and windmills. John speaks from deep inside a cold, while Nick speaks from the bottom of a well, as we discuss John and Laura's freshly launched blog, Pregnant Pause. And thus the machinations of masturbating in a hospital. Nick needs viewing suggestions for his flight, and John did the very impossible and stayed in a good British hotel.

Rum Doings Episode 127

jellycast — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 10:48:46 +0000

A belated episode is pretty much all about offence. For once not our being offensive, but rather discussing when we're offended. This begins with a grilling of John for his new-found puritanical ways, and a grilling of Nick as to why he's so debauched. There's unanimous celebration of the snow, as Nick revels in his joy about the weather. We walk dangerously close to the topic of gender once more, condemn those who've made their mind up about all manner of complex matters, then Nick describes the birth of a new racial stereotype. And we make it clear that Miranda is not funny.

Rum Doings Episode 126

jellycast — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 14:38:36 +0000

It's a new year, a brand new start, a fresh... nope, it's the usual Rum Doings. Episode 126 begins with brief chatter about Christmas, destroying showers, and the role of conferences. We explore the learning of languages, and scientifically calculate which is the best language to listen to. We learn what's wrong with Tolkien, Peter Jackson, and digital cinema. And what's right with Paul Thomas Anderson and Sam Raimi. And then John explains what was right with Peter Jackson. And then it ends.

125_rumdoings.mp3

jellycast — Fri, 21 Dec 2012 14:40:06 +0000

It's the Rum Doings Christmas Special! A double-length episode to see you through into the new year, with John sounding like he's in another room - turns out the new mic isn't multi-directional. We'll return to Mr Droopy in 2013. What do we discuss? I'm not going to tell you! (Although I'll warn there's rather a lot of penis talk.) You're the sort who rattles and sniffs your presents, aren't you? Well you'll have to just unwrap it.

Rum Doings Episode 124

jellycast — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 15:19:58 +0000

Episode 124 of Rum Doings sees us getting into a Christmas mood with, er, a bottle of Bacardi Breezer. Taking Christmassy questions from Twitter, we begin by discussing favourite Christmas presents (Nick's is of course a videogame), and then divert off onto John's late grandmother and her lying ways. Nostalgia sweeps over both of us, before diverting yet again toward Harry Enfield, and his Question Time sketch. We solve so many of your problems, work out what a secret Santa present should be, and make rulings on whether murder is okay.

Rum Doings Episode 123

jellycast — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 14:49:27 +0000

In episode 123 of Rum Doings, Nick and John don't discuss the nightmare of nightmare neighbours. But they do concentrate on important discussions such as the rhyming nature of the alphabet, Laura's fleeing John to Germany, and why ladies are only allowed to address Bristol University CU when accompanied by their husband. We discover just how angelic blind people are, according to the Big Bumper Book Of Facts, explore Starbucks' finances, and tell 14th century jokes.

Rum Doings Episode 122

jellycast — Fri, 23 Nov 2012 15:56:30 +0000

In a disgusting ignoring of the most precious rules, Rum Doings Episode 122 begins with our discussing the topic. At length. We understand if you'll no longer be listening. This rather sets the tone for the episode, as we find ourselves mostly discussing Daily Mail stories, which is - in fairness - when our podcast is best. Nick also finally reads the second story from his internet primer book, which I can strongly recommend for those having trouble getting to sleep. More Daily Mail, the lack of ladybishops, fond memories of Mary Whitehouse, and working out Sophie Borland news stories. If you have any suggestions, post them below. We'd really love it if you left a review on iTunes. Yes, iTunes is hideous, but reviews on there are what get podcasts more attention. After 100 free episodes, we'd love you to return the favour by writing a quick review.

Rum Doings Episode 121

jellycast — Fri, 09 Nov 2012 12:42:20 +0000

We're back! It's episode 121 of Rum Doings. With Nick too lazy to travel to Bath, still, we're back online. But! Not on Skype! Using Mumble, as so many suggested, we have a much more natural conversation (although still not as good as the real thing). This week we don't discuss whether Phillip Schofield should be in charge of solving all crime. Obviously we discuss the recent US election, and the consequences of it all for the Republican party. There's also talk of Page 3, and the place boobies hold in our society. Breast feeding, Nuts and topless bathing are all places where you can see boobs, as we extensively explain. There's a brief discussion of the games journalism row of a couple of weeks back, and Nick inevitably tries to make everything much worse. And then we ponder the new arch bish, and the embarrassing position the Church Of England still takes on same sex couples. And that's your lot.

Rum Doings Episode 120

jellycast — Thu, 18 Oct 2012 14:45:37 +0100

It's Rum Doings Episode 120! They didn't say it couldn't be done, because they didn't care. To celebrate this monumental milestone, we don't shut up for ages. In a bumper-length episode we talk our usual rubbish for 85 non-stop minutes. Swigging on Japanese rum, with accompanying lame racism, we turn to the esteemed journal, The Practising Midwife. Here we learn how witchcraft is used by midwifes to save babies. We figure out the mistake all previous prime ministers have made when firing their shamed ministers, and then naturally move on to comics. That takes us to why we didn't enjoy Lord Of The Rings, and eventually the feminism of Arnie and Stallone. Which then means we insist you watch The Villain. At the start of the second half we ponder Timmy Mallett, and find ourselves discussing Saturday morning television. Including John's appearance thereon. Then some magic. And then some reminiscing about when we didn't hate DVDs.

Rum Doings Episode 119

jellycast — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 10:32:15 +0100

Rum Doings in the flesh! At last, at long long last, we're in the same room, for episode 119. Not discussing Skype, we celebrate our corporeal companionship by drinking some actual, proper rum. It's like the good old days. What the hell is John's problem with booth babes? Why does John deserve all the thanks? And then Nick decides to once more wander into the topic of trans matters. Of course we stumble briefly into the story about Jimmy Saville, but then quickly move on to John's holiday to Nazi Austria. This takes us to a comparison of the London and Vienna natural history museums, and naturally onto the most efficient way to buy a Starbucks. Things take a slightly odder tone, and then everything comes to an abrupt end when Nick refuses to carry on with Victoria in the room. And thank goodness, after what Nick said.

Rum Doings Episode 118

jellycast — Fri, 21 Sep 2012 11:11:54 +0100

Episode 118 of Rum Doings we begin with Nick's revelation that all Austrians are Nazis, then learn the TRUTH about what tooth dreams mean. An extended argument about the efficacy of acupuncture gets a little heated, before we realise it's time for our weekly round-up of Romney's adventures. There's no Rum Doings next week, as John's away on his holidays, so imagine an episode of your own creation.

Rum Doings Episode 117

jellycast — Fri, 14 Sep 2012 11:51:43 +0100

Episode 117 of Rum Doings wants to tell you a story. And when we're done, we discuss the scandalous underground dog food crime ring taking place in John's street, Laura's spectral science, and the demise of Ubi's DRM. We check in on our weekly "Can We Envisage President Romney?" feature, and wonder why the American Christian-right are accepting a Mormon.

Rum Doings Episode 116

jellycast — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 09:49:45 +0100

Episode 116 of Rum Doings comes in a week following a week that had a Rum Doings in it! To celebrate our sweet one hundred and sixteen, we don't discuss whether Apple has the right to unsharp corners. Highlights include thoughts on the Paralympics, booing at George Osborne, and the death of cats. Then we learn a great deal about carpet cleaning.

Rum Doings Episode 115

jellycast — Tue, 28 Aug 2012 20:00:42 +0100

Episode 115 of Rum Doings is a very, very late episode, recorded while the Olympics were still on. Nick then took a week to send his files to John, then John took a week to put them online. We are both rubbish, and we apologise. But fortunately, it’s a top-notch episode, despite being recorded on Skype with the line dropping very near the end. No, really, it’s still good! Highlights include the renaming of John’s wife, the discovery of the Kitchen Fairy, and Nick lying about visiting Bath. We watch sunsets on Mars, John has actually been running, and we express our surprise at just how good the Olympics were.

Rum Doings Episode 114

jellycast — Mon, 30 Jul 2012 13:49:20 +0100

In a surprise early episode 114 of Rum Doings, Nick and John record an episode while the events of the weekend are fresh in their minds. Nick attended the Olympic opening ceremony, and has quite a bit to say on the Britain it portrayed. While John wrote a blog post (below) that rather a lot of people looked at. We discuss them both, entirely forgetting to have a topic not to talk about.

Rum Doings Episode 113

jellycast — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 14:11:33 +0100

Fresh as the morning dew, episode 113 of Rum Doings was recorded only moments ago. John with a cold, Nick with a smoke up his nose, we don't discuss whether extended Twitter downtime will affect the Olympics. But we do discuss the potential for the opening ceremony, to which Nicholas shall attend. We question whether there should be a paralympics at all, and then move onto the strangeness of Mitt Romney. Is gaming moving to Linux? We don't actually discuss that, but Nick does explain just what a disaster Windows 8 is going to be. We wonder how Sorkin's The Newsroom could be better, and then decide to get rid of wee-wees and poo-poos. Would you jump into a volcano? Would you watch White Collar? Would you be a Scottish Catholic?

Rum Doings Episode 112

jellycast — Thu, 19 Jul 2012 13:48:47 +0100

Goodness, it's been a while. But finally, Rum Doings returns with episode 112, not asking what ambulances are going to do now there are Olympic lanes. It's a Skype episode, but we seem to have the sound pretty well fixed now, so apart from even more talking over each other than usual it's one heck of a step up from the terrible echoes of the last couple. Although there wasn't even a plan to record at all on this evening, as John was supposed to be having a romantic night away in a hotel. As you might expect, why he's not there is the first matter discussed. How do you escape from a hotel? We then move on to plugging Nick's brother's book, The Fastest Loser, which you should buy. There's brief chat about the Google Nexus and Raspberry Pi, and Ouya, before we move onto more important matters - the details of the Farmborough W.I. July meeting. There's more news from our new favourite paper, the Midsomer Norton, Radstock and District Journal, including a footpath we must save, and a lady who wants to set our heads on fire. We look at the Onion's extraordinary response to the Daniel Tosh rape joke furore. A quick glance at the banks leads on to Nick's obsessive, dangerous stalking of Ben Goldacre.

Rum Doings Episode 111

jellycast — Fri, 29 Jun 2012 11:30:08 +0100

Bum dum Rum Doings episode 111! Back in our echo chamber, at the bottom of a giant well made of metal, we try to read out an email but then get distracted by everything. Nick apparently wants to "fix" Laura, and then John gets angry with a man. We dismiss the BMI, tell Money Supermarket to go away, and then finally read the email. About someone setting their house on fire because of Rum Doings. A bit. It gets boring for a while, then we talk about how people are precious over dead bodies, and why John wants to be eaten by sharks. Did you know that baby cells live inside mummies? Probably if you listen to Radio Lab. But we talk about it inexpertly with some of the facts wrong. It turns out Nick's daughter gets violent when her grammar is corrected, giraffes are tall, and Microsoft doesn't have a brain in its tail.

Rum Doings Episode 110

jellycast — Mon, 18 Jun 2012 16:29:17 +0100

Welcome to a very echoey episode, Rum Doings 110. Trapped in the attic of Nick's evil enterprise, the acoustics match the décor, as we begin as banal as possible by discussing the weather. Then we swiftly leap to poking tubes through all of Nick's holes. We question the usefulness of our eyes, and Nick banishes all discussion of free will. John then shares his quiz show schadenfreude, Nick dares to question the Anglican church, and we voice how impressed we are at how the government responds to Leveson. Jigsaws are briefly mentioned before moving on to pointing out how women can't really do science. There's a short eulogy to Nick's cat, Minnie, and then it ends.

Rum Doings Episode 109

jellycast — Thu, 07 Jun 2012 18:01:32 +0100

Something bloody terrible has happened. Nick has recorded an episode of Rum Doings with Judge Coxcombe, but not John Walker, seemingly on a wax cylinder in a wind tunnel. What manner of madness is this?! And why are they sat beside the Mediterranean without him? (Well, because he turned down the invitation because the flights cost too much.) But, despite this despicable action, this is indeed Rum Doings Episode 109, in which it's not discussed whether John will be annoyed by the recording of this episode without him. HE'S FINE. Sipping pudding wine, they discuss bathing together, then as flipping usual Nick brings up videogames. Instructing Judge Coxcombe to judge the show as experienced from Spain, they explore the concept of this "music", and then predict the future of gaming. Europe is explained in the simplest form - a cream egg - and then the pair move on to gay politicians. And they get run over by a tractor.

Rum Doings Episode 108

jellycast — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 12:33:16 +0100

Gosh, this nearly didn't happen. After another week of not being able to travel to meet up, John and Nick once more resorted to crappy old Skype, where John is far too loud, to ensure there'd be an episode before next week's week off too. So episode 108 is a slightly talking-over-each-other job, in which we don't discuss whether pasties should be available on the NHS. (It's only occurred to me now as I write this that pasties in America are something rather different to in the UK, and yet I think it still works.) We discuss John's impressive squits, and then on a similar matter move on to talk about Jeremy Hunt and the Leveson enquiry. We wonder what it might be like to have porn stars for parents, and ponder the wisdom of trusting God to stop snakes from biting you to death. Again we celebrate how much money people are willing to pay for the Humble Indie Bundle, and wonder if the Youth Of Today still use instant messenger. There's discussion of the maddest lady in the world, somehow convincing us to like David Davies, and think about the deaths of languages.

Rum Doings Episode 107

jellycast — Fri, 18 May 2012 15:20:08 +0100

In Rum Doings 107, we begin by revealing not only how much this damned thing costs us, but an outbreak of sheer honesty. After plotting the demise of a clock, we return to your subjects about which you want us to be angry. Which kicks off with people who stop suddenly on pavements. HNGH! We establish the rules on looking into people's windows, spilling things on shirts, and are cornered into discussing how cats are annoying. Is saying "sigh" acceptable? How severely should we punish prestige car drivers? Nick gets awfully cross about litter, and then when asked to be cross about American politics, we slightly miss target and rant about British and Ancient Roman politics.

Rum Doings Episode 106

jellycast — Fri, 11 May 2012 12:09:44 +0100

In episode 106 of Bum Pooings, while we don't discuss the over-population of Britain's towns, we instead received your tweets explaining what makes you annoyed. Whatever it might be, we decided we'd be angry too. Whether a listener should join the army distracts us slightly, and then Nick breaks his own rule and starts going on about games as usual. Then we do get cross about the data retention directive, the use of "gay" as a pejorative (although we do end up banning the word entirely), bad service, and then distract ourselves with suspensions and expulsions from school. Learn that John can pick up heavy things, and then we get back to being enraged, this time about plug sockets. Is John an insane homophobic bigot when it comes to marriage? Then Nick tries to get John even further in trouble. And then it ends.

Rum Doings Episode 105

jellycast — Fri, 04 May 2012 11:38:07 +0100

It's the onehundredandfifth episode of Rum Doings, which is far too many of anything. Our beginnings are found in Nick's having illegally recorded John's ugly road rage, which is reproduced for our listening pleasure (with some subtle editing). Then after a foray into burns and tattoos, proving that all lesbians are robots, and noting the arrogance of Newton, we take to the homepage of the Daily Mail, to explore the reasons behind their success. The extremely right-wing paper betrays itself with a peculiarly grungy tabloid bottomless column of celebrities with their boobies out. But have John and Nick ever heard of either of them? We focus more especially on one story, because it's about buying a rolling pin, before we realise quite how foul it is. This would be Courtney Stodden. You can read the story here (although they appear to have finally edited some of it.) We then get a bit distracted by our thieving ways, and grumble about how rubbish DVDs are.

Rum Doings Episode 104

jellycast — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 13:31:17 +0100

An episode of Rum Doings! Words and stuff.

Rum Doings Episode 103

jellycast — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 12:58:44 +0100

Episode 103 of Rum Doings is voiced by two tired, over-fed, and cold-riddled men, hidden away in a dark lounge while their wives sleep. We don't discuss how it could be possible that there's a hosepipe ban AND flood warnings!!!! Instead we explain the new rules for standing ovations. We discover that we're both terrible Jews, but not as bad as Mel Gibson. We remember our ridiculous lunchtime meal, where Nick definitely didn't ignore the basic tenets of his inherited religion, and then almost instantly move onto Nick's favourite topic, games. Which he keeps bringing up. This time Kickstarted games. Then the dangers of bacon-flavoured drugs, why cocaine makes you a dick, and how LSD became naughty. Talk of cats gets us to superstitious pigeons, and eventually Elmo. Then we feel oooooooooooold. Also, now, from 80 years old laws don't count for you. Oh, and people called Lee are banned from listening.

Rum Doings Episode 102

jellycast — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 10:32:30 +0100

In a somnambulistic, rather long one hundred and second episode of Rum Doings, we don't discuss whether it's time to stop not discussing things. Nick and John still find the effort the argue despite the late hour. Beginning with Galloway, things naturally quickly switch to Just A Minute and Indian politics. And then back to British politics, and the current trend for pretending to like Islam. We enjoy some splendid lemony booze from the lovely Ed Stern, argue over what age people become humans, ponder the last time we listened to a CD, tape cassette or VHS tape. We are old. John discussed the Mountain Goats/Anonymous 4 gig he'd recently seen, we question the possibility of monitoring everyone's emails, and then things get a little heated as we consider the strip club. Nick recalls when John was on the receiving end of some sexual attention, discuss Enid Blyton again, and Nick tells us about the evening his stomach went on holiday. Then we get uncharacteristically serious and talk about anorexia and bulimia. Then things return to normal as we talk about the uselessness of pandas.

Rum Doings Episode 101

jellycast — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 17:38:28 +0100

In Rum Doings 101 we eat sweeties! Sugary sugar-free sweeties. And then enter something that's going to dominate most of our Eastery episode - a leaflet from the local health food shop, promising it can cure all our ailments. That's enough for most of an episode of Rum Doings.

Rum Doings Episode 100

jellycast — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 11:41:40 +0100

In the Rum Doings episode 100 spectacular, we don't discuss the fact that it's the 100th episode. So instead we talk about what we've been up to for the last few weeks, including John's stories of being in America, and indeed the Lake District. For some reason that we aren't going to mention, we have all manner of rum goodies in the episode, including a rum sponge cake from Nick's wife Victoria, gingerbread rum from Nick's brother, and rum butter from the wilds of Windermere. With our faces stuffed we rank American cities in order of bestness, argue about breakfast, and explain how John fell down the stairs. And how he broke the hotel. And then we're back in England, where the sausages are apparently boiled. There are some very serious concerns about the North West's cream tea provisions, and their parking prices.

Rum Doings Episode 99D

jellycast — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 14:02:35 +0000

It's the actual 99th episode!

Rum Doings Episode 99C

jellycast — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 14:10:14 +0000

In episode 99C of Rum Doings we don't even have time to tell you what happened, so quickly have we recorded it and uploaded. Find out for yourself by listening! But we do mention the Muppets, and swearing, and Nick goes on about something or other.

Rum Doings Episode 99B

jellycast — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 11:08:57 +0000

Rum Doings 99B doesn't discuss whether a cat or a dog is better, but begins with SCIENCE, as Nick engages in a blind test to see if he can identify the difference between bad tea and decaffeinated tea. We recognise that podcasts are marvellous, ponder if it would have been so bad if SOPA had won, and ask whether there's a way to find out what words mean. Which fish is the biggest nob? Why might we not move to America? Was Nick looking forward to FOSDEM because he'd obviously already been. Do we want 3D printers? That's a question you obviously can't ask without inevitably talking about making a dildo in the shape of your own penis. Top Chef vs Masterchef: the ultimate battle. Which race does Nick like the least? And John reveals a horrible prejudice. Another one. And we talk a bit about how Rum Doings isn't copyrighted in any stupid way - see the link at the bottom of this blog for the copyleft license it's under.

Rum Doings Episode 99A

jellycast — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:20:34 +0000

In episode 99A of Rum Doings - the podcast for the new generation - we don't discuss whether it's about time we abandoned the TV license and reintroduced the dog license. And then we took to Twitter to find out what it was we were supposed to be talking about. Which we then ignore for ages and talk about the importance of rum for preventing heart disease, how you only exist if you podcast, and then finally turn to a tweet for how copyright will be interpreted by the next generation. Is it more humane to keep a robot pet? Or how about a robot wife? Why aren't there boobies on children's TV? And why can't Sherlock Holmes investigate the missing grammar? We consider the difficulty curve of petrol stations, the most bestest academic discipline, and then someone flicks the vegetarian-rant switch on Nick. Can a Morman be president of America? And are gays icky?

Rum Doings Episode 98

jellycast — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 12:00:44 +0000

Annoyingly in episode 98 of Rum Doings, we don't discuss which letters of the alphabet should be removed. But instead we gain insight into the tragedy of John's life. We learn how Philadelphian trains cause rampant terrorism, paedophilia and puns. Nick dunks himself into a nice mug of tea, and we consider the artificial nature of jellyfish. We talk about the artifice of Hollywood, the artistry of The Artist, and how we hit our wives. Did Nick ever microwave his baby? Does Dexter still have a pee-pee? Are Smarties right for you? And then we talk about Rock, Paper, Shotgun's hack, before we move onto Nick's extraordinary array of retro computer floppy disc sound effects. It's a thing to behold.

Rum Doings Episode 97

jellycast — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 12:09:44 +0000

In a pre-recorded episode 97 of Rum Doings, we don't discuss this week's SOPA activities because we recorded this weeks ago. But it's the final part of our Judge Coxcombe trilogy, where we take questions from the audience. We begin with some real life, and then quickly get into cuddly character as we question Nick's absence. We celebrate making money by letting things be free, and then impressively we DO talk about SOPA! We are prescient. Then we turn to the Twitters to solve your woes. The choice between trifle and banana crunch! Whether Mark Kermode is a big twit (he is)! Dealing with txtspk! The future of newspapers! These exclamation marks feel inappropriate! We ponder Kunstler, whether it's okay to associate with people who like George Galloway, how marshmallows predict your future, and the hypothetical kitchen of Nicholas Mailer. And who will Baby Judith grow up to be?

Rum Doings Episode 96

jellycast — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 09:58:51 +0000

In episode 96 of Rum Doings, the second part of our Judge Coxcombe Trilogy, we don't discuss whether Windows 8 will be Microsoft's Window's Vista, but we do contemplate whether Nick can love himself. We celebrate the remarkable hero, BushMan, remember when people liked Adrian Chiles, then look forward to seeing Eurovision in a rat-infested shed. Then things fall apart as we disagree on the colours of the days of the week. Would we teleport? How come Star Trek was so rubbish at computers? Was Ted Heath asexual? And who will be the next leaders of various UK parties?

Rum Doings Episode 95

jellycast — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 09:00:01 +0000

In episode 95 of Rum Doings, we're re-joined by regular guest Judge Coxcombe. Who receives a rich welcome. There are Latin grammar lessons, book recommendations for Nick, and words for winkies. John argues against word gender, Martin talks Dick, and the loveliness of quantum mechanics. There are more book reviews, the contentious early versions of the Gospel of Mark, and how John De Lancie wrote the Bible. And are Nick and John... the same person?

Rum Doings Episode 94

jellycast — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 16:07:41 +0000

Rum Doings episode 94 begins with quite the clanger! John's freshly appointed wife reveals she is carrying Nick's lovechild. (Also, we can't count and thought this would go out after the New Year.) Which is only appropriate, since this pre-recorded episode (as opposed to those we perform live in your ears) contains our offering advice to our listeners. Our rubbish, rubbish listeners. John has recently discovered the splendid podcast, My Brother My Brother And Me, and as is always the way of the great artistic minds, wanted to copy it for one week. Incorrectly stating that they no longer take questions from listeners, thus attempting to fill a gap that's already filled just fine, we begin by suggesting meeting women at refuge shelters. We are keeping it classy. How to deal with loose skin, survive a mortgage, fake your own death (and indeed get away with your own murder), things to do in the bath, how to marry cats and dogs, and then we move on to just being horrible racists as usual. We consider how much better life is if you don't live as if you're constantly about to be burgled or stolen from, and much discussion of wee. We then get a weeny bit more serious and address a final question on social anxiety disorder, with some genuinely sensible advice. And don't take our insults too personally - we love you all, even though you're all so rubbish.

Rum Doings Episode 93

jellycast — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 16:51:45 +0000

After losing our first start to episode 93, we attempt to begin all over again by trying to get the cardboard box burier out of jail. John explains how difficult it is to not buy a diamond ring, Australian rum that Nick pretends is nice, and there's the best bottle ugg-gugg-gugging OF ALL TIME. Nick prepares himself for Chrimbles, and then we get onto the ancient news of the idiotic reaction to Jeremy Clarkson's comments on The One Show. And then we're suddenly invaded by the potty-mouth of Nick's wife, which seems to break Nick's brain. She is the Irene Adler to Nick's Holmes. We explain why Rum Doings can never end, how John gives up on EVERYTHING, including television because of his annoying wife. And we spend some time pulling apart David Cameron's ridiculous speech, on why the King James Bible is a terrible thing, and why Christianity does not take well to being institutionalised.

Rum Doings Episode 92

jellycast — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 14:21:02 +0000

Episode 92 of Rum Doings is the last one before the new year, because Nick's about to have his neck slit open by trained professionals. Please wish him well via the magic of Twitter. We don't discuss what to do now Europe is over, but we do delve deeply into the wonderful world of aural hypnosis, and parental relaxation. We learn how PCs don't want to be built. And Nick explains how the time for videogames is over. We decide the weather, miss Diana, and discover quite what a meanie the Queen is. We dismiss the financial crisis. And we learn the sad truth behind Bing.

Rum Doings Episode 91

jellycast — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 10:02:24 +0000

In Episode 91 of Rum Doings we don't discuss when we're finally going to let go of our dependence on books. But instead we drink beer+coffee, and Baroness Von Greenfield, the best scientist in all the land. We celebrate how she streamlines science, and then discuss the metaphorical nature of gaming. John reveals a terrible disability, and then we discuss the problems inherent in Michael Buerk. Which takes us on to how much we hate the gays. Then to the issues of the atavistic reader, the beginnings of Rock, Paper, Shotgun, and the terrible state of Future Publishing. We then talk about the delightful late Steve Jobs, Stephen Fry, and a quick burst of phone hacking.

Rum Doings Episode 90

jellycast — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 09:29:33 +0000

John would love to tell you more about what happens in Episode 90 of Rum Doings, but he has to leave. No, really - he's got a meeting in Guildford, and if he doesn't get ready to go now he'll be late. Nick is furious with John for not being better prepared and writing a fuller description of this week's episode, but really Nick should just be thankful John got it uploaded at all, and with Nick's expectations of John set so low, you'd think he'd be pleasantly surprised more often. John can tell you that we talk about the Occupy protests and the police response, as well as other topics in quick succession in a manner to which listeners will likely be accustomed. And it's all tremendously good.

Rum Doings Episode 89

jellycast — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 09:40:31 +0000

In episode 89 of Rum Doings, we don’t discuss the whether there’s going to be a saviour for our scourge of bad language. But we do discuss Sesame Street, Jimmy Saville, Australian finances and what we like the least about getting married. It’s all part of our attempt to talk about positive things. John practises some misogyny, then Nick demands we talk about the thick seam of homophobia that runs through the gaming community. Which takes us onto an attempt to understand why homophobia seems to be the go-to hatred for so many groups. We establish why having things in common isn’t the ideal recipe for a relationship, monotheism, and the joy of two duvets. Then tales of hunts for passports.

Rum Doings Episode 88

jellycast — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 09:23:28 +0100

Episode 88 of Rum Doings sees us wake up after a week's sleep on Nick's studio sofa. Emerging from this slumber we talk about how awful Terra Nova is, then remember that our topic isn't: Is the National Lottery just a tax on the poor? John then insults the religion of peace, and finally gets around to explaining why he's excited about nothing. New beds, Nick's daughter's ghastly guttural dialect, and the joys of intra-race racism, all cross our lips. And what does "pique" mean? Nick's determined to learn more about Minecraft, and then we remember the magic that was Rubik's Magic.

Rum Doings Episode 87

jellycast — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 11:58:42 +0100

In Episode 87 of Rum Doings, Nick and John finally reconvene after a month's gap brought on by weddings, honeymoons and appendectomies. So it should come as little surprise that in an episode in which we don't discuss , we talk about weddings, honeymoons and appendectomies. New sofas, pudding wines, and goodness us, what's this? The very first ever live Rum Doings consumption of a cream tea! There's theological debate about contemporary Christian music and bishops, tales of our appendices, and screaming nurses. And then a heartfelt series of thank yous for the remarkable generosity shown by Rum Doings listeners for John's wedding. (Quick update: Debenhams have found lots of the missing items, and the throw appeared despite apparently not being paid for.)

Rum Doings Episode 86

jellycast — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 13:36:40 +0100

It's an episode of Rum Doings. It's the 86th one. It has stuff in it!

Rum Doings Episode 85

jellycast — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 15:31:42 +0100

Something something, something something something. Something!

Rum Doings Episode 84

jellycast — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 11:42:24 +0100

Episode 84 of Rum Doings comes to you LIVE from when it was recorded, offering echoey discussions of all the most important topics of the day. Like whether we should ban printers. And honeymoons. John has to break some bad news to Nick, and then pretty much ensures he won't be having a great time on his honeymoon. Then we naturally move on to incest, and the advantages thereof. And how to continue the line of were-panthers. Then for some reason Nick brings up videogames again. Why is Chicago great? Can you take a girl out of Wolverhampton?

Rum Doings Episode 83

jellycast — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 16:30:56 +0100

John and Nick discuss things with their mouths, out loud.

Rum Doings Episode 82

jellycast — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 14:11:25 +0100

In an episode recorded long, long ago, in the distant past, before what the world has come to know as "Those Riots", Nick and John don't ask why they don't just fill all those potholes in? Instead there's chat about the Creation Museum in Kentucky, to which neither John nor Nick has visited. And we strike upon the reason the dinosaurs died out! Learn how to make mayonnaise, while Nick proves himself to be the new Michael Winslow, and soaks a mug of tea into John's favourite chair. We prove that eggs are magic, and then plot selling Rock, Paper, Shotgun.

Rum Doings Episode 81

jellycast — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 11:44:06 +0100

In Rum Doings episode 81, we don't discuss Amy Winehouse. But we do once more brave the Tesco Value White Rum. Then John tells a long boring story about getting screwed over by a letting agency. Fortunately we then move on to Nick's criticising Rock, Paper, Shotgun. Who is the best writer there? It is John. There's a celebration of the Kindle, which inevitably brings us to the hideousness that is church bells, including some expert campanology. Then Nick has an Excellent Idea. Will Dexter attend John's forthcoming wedding? Then as everyone always likes best, we discuss a TV show at length. But it's about magic! Penn & Teller's Fool Us, for which it turns out Nick sat in the audience. Magic magic magic.

Rum Doings Episode 80

jellycast — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 11:41:52 +0100

In Rum Doings Episode 80 we don't discuss whether anyone has the courage to stand up for the endangered British light bulb? But we add an extra season to the year. Then it's imperative that you contribute to this Kickstarter project, even though they've exceeded their total. It's Ironbuds. We consider our racism, homophobia, transphobia and so on. Then John lays out his plan for the Photograph From Behind service, and then of course there are some discussions of matters of the behind. But then the highlight of the episode - we read out all the magnificent suggestions we've had for our "What did the ghost say when he won the prize?" John tells a terrible story about some headmaster, and then we discuss the important subject of toilet paper, and the weeing habits of babies. More homework is set. We need answers to the following joke: What did the mountain say when he went to the beach?

rumdoings_e79.mp3

jellycast — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 14:36:21 +0100

Content

Rum Doings Episode 78

jellycast — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 11:10:52 +0100

In Rum Doings 78 we don't discuss who is to answer for the Olympic ticket fiasco furore. We then drink a suspicious-looking rhum, and instantly ban being foreign. We then discuss... sugar! It's going to be an award winning episode. Nick mentions this lecture. Sugar takes us to water, which takes us to how John is better than his sister. Then we move on to our greatest subject of all time, So Haunt Me. And learn of the sad death of Miriam Karlin. We both have something of a revelation of the nature of our relationships, and then ask that ultimate question: have you ever seen a ghost? No, we don't really ask that. But we do consider what we'd do if we ever thought we had. Then Nick explains to John that events he went through never took place. Are we disappointed that we'll never go into space? And plane crashes. Which brings us to Nick's specialist subject of plane safety. You get to find out why planes sound like barking dogs.

Rum Doings Episode 77

jellycast — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 11:54:36 +0100

In episode 77 of Rum Doings things return to normal. Just John, Nick, a bottle of rum and a microphone. Aaaaand relax. So we don't discuss: is yet another washed out, rainy British summer the final nail in the coffin of the global warming conspiracy. There's some familiar complaining about how rubbish our listeners are, which somehow takes us into a dangerous new territory of telling jokes. This has portent. Fortunately we're diverted by Nick's exciting throat news, and then Nick ATTACKS John over how hard John works on this podcast, because Nick is a BUMFACE. We voice some thoughts on mobile phone hacking, and then get onto grammar, which takes us to Nick's education, and the books we were taught at school. Encounters of racism in childhood lead us back to horrendous jokes, and the floodgates are open.

Rum Doings Episode 76

jellycast — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 12:00:50 +0100

In a very special edition of Rum Doings, Nick and John sit down with Boing Boing co-editor Cory Doctorow, and MakieLab founder and former head of Channel 4 Games, Alice Taylor. Just like John and Nick, they too are a married couple, one half obsessed with copyright issues, the other with games. It only made sense. For some reason we chose to make Nick sit in an echo chamber - sometimes he needs to be kept aside for our safety. We begin discussing Disney, considering dark rides as an art form, the nature of their theme parks' sponsorship, and the consequences of their idealism. Which is the most evil games publisher of the day, did Blackbird destroy the internet, and are Adobe in trouble? What happens when printers print something better than themselves? And then as inevitably as day turns into zombie apocalypse, we turn to intellectual property law. What copyright issues will 3D printing lead to? What code is running on our computers against our will? And will our predictions of the future always be "insufficiently weird". Amazingly we get onto the economy of Star Trek, via the consequences of teleporters. There is much discussion of the consequences of new technology on, well, everything. And then comes piracy, geocoding, and the surprise appearance of LittleBigPlanet developer, Luke Petre. Finally, we move on to talking about MakieLab's project to develop 3D toys linked to online gaming. Big thanks to Cory and Alice (and Luke!) for joining us!

Rum Doings Episode 75

jellycast — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:27:12 +0100

Welcome to Rum Doings... Late. Episode 75 was recorded after midnight, which means things are a little more... sexxxxy. It must be listened to after midnight, naked. Ideally on a creaky leather sofa. We're not discussing whether Madonna's gone too far with her latest reinvention. But instead do discuss dipping biscuits in wine, and Nick quite alarmingly holds John's hand. There's chatter about booth babes, prosperity preaching, and the singularity. Find out about the nature of Nick's aquatic affair with John's sister, find a middle name for Laura, and what John and Laura's vows should be. Especially to Dexter. And it's all so sexxxxxxxxxxxxxy. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Late night. Mmmmmmmm.

Rum Doings Episode 74

jellycast — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 15:12:00 +0100

In episode 74 of Rum Doings we don't discuss whether celebrity is good for democracy. But we do drink gingerbread cream liqueur. It's also the third and final episode containing Judge Martin Coxcombe, who will finally rule on whether John Walker is allowed. Thoughts appear on stag dos, and then there's a splendid foray into making up facts. Something Nick doesn't quite get. We get all serious about anti-Semitism, less so about night terrors, riddles, and video toasters. Is John a bear? Does his Gay Day contribute to that? Are brown eyed people normal? And how does Judge Coxcombe finally rule on John?

Rum Doings Episode 73

jellycast — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 13:24:52 +0100

With Nick on holiday, and John in the throes of E3, it's a good job we pre-recorded Episode 73 of Rum Doings. This week we don't discuss... we forget! Until ages in! We get too excited by potentially gloopy liquid. And then with a sense of topicality you can only hope for from us, we discuss the distinct lack of a rapture. Special guest Judge Martin "Coxcombe" Coxall is inspired to start a new religion. Via a brief chat about cats, we then ponder copyright, publishing and piracy. Oh, the topic! Is the NHS just a fairytale that won't have a happy ending? And are there ladytits at E3? Which brands of mental allow you a blue badge? And then we're very sensitive about DID. And Operation.

Rum Doings Episode 72

jellycast — Thu, 26 May 2011 11:46:07 +0100

In a sweary, adult-themed Rum Doings episode 72, we allow an email from a listener to provide a foundation for a good proportion of the episode. Which means we need an arbitrator, who exists in the form of special guest Judge Martin Coxall. The email prompts discussions about the roles John and Nick bring to the podcast: Nick’s unabashed intelligence, and John’s desperate, failed attempts to try to be funny. Should we swear more? Should we not swear less? Is there anything wrong with the word “poo”? No. No there is not. We introduce a new system for Nick to indicate when John’s trying too hard, such that Judge Coxcombe can interject with a ruling. Once that’s complete, we move on to discuss super-injunctions. And Nick goes to some lengths to get himself sued into outer space. A pretty in-depth discussion of privacy, law and blackmailing follows.

Rum Doings Episode 71

jellycast — Fri, 20 May 2011 12:27:57 +0100

Nick and John forget how their own running jokes work, then Nick forgets how jokes work. We have rather an intelligent chat about physics (disclaimer: not true), Nick's synesthesia gets out of control, and we regale you with tales of book shopping. Do blind people appreciate black? For some reason we talk about Fawlty Towers, what we'll tell our children about death, Nick accuses John of murder (again), and then move on to smelling wee. Long-suffering fiancée Laura had better prepare for her Rum Doings exam if she wants to get married, we learn of Dexter's immortality, and the deadline for the holocaust. And cat sick. And find out that John's a racist.

Rum Doings Episode 70

jellycast — Fri, 13 May 2011 11:34:27 +0100

Why, it’s episode 70 of Rum Doing, where we’re joined by very special guest, the late John Walker. This week we don’t discuss the lessons we’ve learned from the electorate about the tough choices we’ve had to make in dealing with the economic mess that Labour have left us to deal with. We talk about the return of Adam & Joe, which brings us onto Nick’s plan for a movie where nothing goes wrong. There’s detailed discussions of the nature of scones, and what should replace “obey” in marriage vows. And then, well, I’m sorry – we have a nice long discussion about John’s bumhole. Therefore of course we move on to the wholesome topic of suppositories. And having fingers stuck up your bum! Make sure to listen to this episode while eating. What’s your favourite biscuit? Is probably our lowest ebb. But it at least brings us to something of some vague substance, as Nick tries to explain his issues with the SNP. And how rubbish Laura is. She says “haitch”. Ew. We tell off people for their autobiography names, South African races, and other waffle.

Rum Doings Episode 69

jellycast — Wed, 04 May 2011 15:19:00 +0100

It’s episode 69 of Rum Doings! Tee hee hee! Snort. In this episode we don’t discuss whether it’s time to put an end to the scourge of supermarket self checkout before it is too late. But we do discuss tomorrow’s vote. That’s why this is up a day early. We recorded it in a day from the past, expecting to post it on Thursday, but in the wake of the swell of support for AV we’ve decided to put it up a day early. Because we really want to encourage Britishers to spoil. For arguments why, make sure to check out this fine post about it. Beforehand we risk our lives with some ASDA energy drink, and with that coursing through our veins we begin a discussion of the upcoming vote. John makes the argument for spoiling, while Nick puts forward some even more radical positions. John discusses his encounter with a troubled Lib Dem councillor, and we get alittlebitpoliticalladiesandgentlemen. An attempt to change gears by addressing more listener questions is almost immediately interrupted by the noisiest escape attempt by the prisoner in John’s basement. That sound accompanies thoughts on Piers Moron, dancing, how to eat an Easter egg, why we’d not be MPs, skirts for men, a smattering more politics, sitcom recommendations, and John’s balding legs.

Rum Doings Episode 68

jellycast — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 14:54:25 +0100

Today, in episode 68, we are not discussing: Are the councils bowing to politically correct madness in banning bunting for health and safety craziness? But instead we talk about an upgrade to business class, and then with exceptional timing review 2007′s Portal. At length. We then, inevitably move on to discussing our complete lack of interest in tomorrow’s wedding, before moving on to some questions from Twitter. The first being, what are the ladylike things we do? There’s chat about the inappropriateness of men taking their tops off in public, a trip to the zoo, some extreme snobbishness, and education reform. Oh, and is happiness a good thing?

Rum Doings Episode 67

jellycast — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 11:39:10 +0100

For episode 67 of Rum Doings, you join Nick and John in one of London’s most average hotels, where for some reason they’ve taken a room together. While we don’t discuss whether we’re sacrificing children on the altar of working mums, we do instead moan about the mediocrity of hotels in the UK. Each of us offers some racism that we exhibit, there’s some discussion of radio continuity, Mel Gibson’s films, and the difference between uninterested and disinterested. We try to stop people stopping the war, the future of Dexter, and British beers. John has forgotten all of his chemistry A Level, and then it turns out we both have precisely the same recurring dream. Dreams takes John onto confessing his sleep-based infidelities, which takes us into a somewhat uncomfortable discussion about the real world. We’ve both got a new t-shirt, talk about anti-Semitism, and somehow get back to naughty dreams again and the King James Bible. You know, those subjects that always go together.

Rum Doings Episode 66

jellycast — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 15:16:22 +0100

Goodness, it’s Rum Doings 66. While not discussing whether the decimalisation experiment has been a failure, we tuck into Christmas pudding wine. And then dig up the argument over whether the Amiga or Atari was best (it was the Atari). Then we embark on an episode based on discussions inspired by the following randomly selected Wikipedia articles: Bosko (cartoons, Loony Tunes Back In Action, Mary Poppins, CAP Alert) Humber—St. George’s—St. Barbe (Yorkshire Ridings, island hopping, aeroplane maps, long flights and upper class, the S9 mp4 player, They’re Back, the Kindle, sharing is bad) Tiny Broken Heart (Tragic Songs, alien robots) Silchar (Why we don’t want to go to India, Chinese democracy) Ribbon-tailed Astrapia (what we can learn from peacocks, John’s split wedding, the plan for cream teas, complete lack of million pound donations) Nut (nuts) Atasca (moth wrangling, the biggest thing we’d kill, The Man With Two Brains)

Rum Doings Episode 65

jellycast — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 14:43:37 +0000

Filled with the spirit of Spring, in episode 65 of Rum Doings we don't discuss whether we've forgotten the true meaning of Easter. Then almost immediately start complaining about how rubbish schools are. And urinals. In fact, there's much wee-wee discussion, including an innovative idea for bed weeing. And much more besides.

Rum Doings Episode 64

jellycast — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 13:19:40 +0000

Welcome to Rum Doings Episode 64, a very special episode scripted by former Doctor Who helmsmen, Russell “T” Davies. As part of their multiracial, intrasexual, post-masculinism relationship, Nick and John discuss the lameness of John’s name, the tendency for Victorians to not die properly, and how we actually recorded this episode before the Ben Goldacre one. Our Welsh accents make another appearance, we discuss Old Man Murray, and John explains the full glory of the Cat Moustache puzzle from Gabriel Knight 3. THAT HE NOTICED FIRST. See behind the scenes for how we come up with our topics to not discuss. Then we moisten our palates with a mixed fruit cider. And then wedding cakes. We continue our hatred of the blind, ponder Brian Blessed’s continued existence, and the collapse of Leslie Nielson’s career. Especially of late.

Rum Doings Episode 63

jellycast — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 16:19:20 +0000

We’re very pleased to say that in episode 40, 50, 60 and 63 of Rum Doings (a four-way simulcast, and double-length), we are joined by very special guest, Dr. Ben Goldacre. The man behind the Bad Science blog and Guardian column, and the book of the same name, allows us into his London studio to discuss the subjects about which he and we are passionate. We think this was a unique opportunity for the subjects to be discussed with enough space to consider them properly, and for the good doctor to speak in a way that five minute radio interviews cannot. In a sweary episode, we begin by talking about the peculiarities of those who threaten to sue Goldacre for libel, and the way quacks will create misleading statistics. Then via Nick’s desire for robot doctors, we discuss whether doctors are obliged to tell the truth to their patients, how new technology may change the role of doctors in diagnosis, and the potential for conflicts of interest depending upon how doctors are paid. And Nick lets John speak after the first half hour. We ponder the potential privatisation of the NHS, and the impact that may have on patients and doctors, what happens when you privatise blood donation, and in turn, the nature of an altruistic act. We ask what doctors should be doing with drugs they know don’t perform better than placebo, even if they appear to help patients. Dr Ben puts out the interesting idea that doctors should not be the final gatekeeper to a patient’s access to drugs, and indeed whether there should be legitimate access to outlawed drugs. There’s chat about how we should react when we see the vulnerable being tricked by quacks, how much John gets paid for writing in The Cat Magazine, how we can encourage big pharma to get out of their patenting model, and Nick’s LBC caller gets a good few outings. All three of us express our concerns with the Comic Relief Walkers Crisps campaign, we hear Ben’s “Everything In This Box Is Bollocks” suggestion for letting adverts lie as much as they want, and Nick trots out his Trotsky theories. The idiocy of DRM rears its head, then Nick and John leap on Ben when they see a glimmer of an opportunity to evangelise free software models. And then a last second chat about Richard Stallman brings us to an end.

Rum Doings Episode 62

jellycast — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 15:02:10 +0000

We're really sorry that this is a clicky episode. We have no idea what causes it, and there's nothing we can do to fix it. It's really not that big of a deal. In episode 62, Nick's broken voice becomes the first point of discussion, once we've established we won't be talking about whether the English have forgotten how to make a good cuppa. We then move on to talking about Nick's wife's breast milk ice cream, Nick introduces a new indication law, and John tells the story of the crazy Welsh ex-policeman at his door. We have a discussion of Sweden, talk about why John's risking becoming a rapist by playing Bulletstorm, and then chat about violent videogames. Make sure to tune in to next week's too, when we'll be releasing episodes 40, 50, 60 and 63 all in one episode, with a truly excellent celebrity guest.

Rum Doings Episode 61

Nick Mailer, John Walker — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 11:06:34 +0000

A discussion of quantum mechanics, Christian Voice and DEATH.

Rum Doings Episode 59

jellycast — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 11:00:12 +0000

I'm far too busy to tell you what's in this episode. We've recorded a couple in advance - this week's and next week's. Amazingly Nick has been told by the doctor he must not speak for two weeks. At all. That's how come you've heard those angels singing. So I imagine we probably talked about some drink, radio, probably wittered on about TV at length, and Nick probably accused John of being something terrible. You know how it goes. Very entertainingly. That's how.

Rum Doings Episode 58

jellycast — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 17:12:50 +0000

Welcome to a leathery 58th edition of Rum Doings, where we don’t discuss what we are doing to protect our English cricket greens. But we do instead discuss celebratory Welch’s grape soda. What are we celebrating? Well, it seems that John has proposed to a woman. And not curtains. So there’s much discussion of that, as you might imagine, with the full story of how it all happened so John can point people to listen to this rather than have to tell everyone who asks. We explain the necessity to avoid diamonds, and the means by which a lady will agree to marriage. Then there’s some familiar ranting about the Liberal Democrats, discussions of the death of the NHS, and Nick takes on some sacred cows of classic radio comedy. We ponder the Two Ronnies, Sorry!, and then misery of 70s and 80s sitcoms. And there’s an explanation of how to write like your favourite RPSer. And then after a bit we stop.

Rum Doings Episode 57

jellycast — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 17:11:40 +0000

Episode 57 begins with a discussion of the number 56. You can’t pin us down. And we’re not discussing for how much longer we shall have to put up with the SCOURGE of HOMMOsexual adoption. Then we take leave of our senses and attempt an alcohol free beer. We attempt a few one or two-word impressions. Then we discuss the poly-attractive nature of Susan Kennedy. At length. And finally, after mentioning it a hundred times, we explain what a BEMLi are. Which takes us onto discussing the sad collapse of Chris Morris, and the rise of Charlie Brooker. Nick angrily points out why John’s job is stupid, and then attempts to get himself – and himself alone – sued. John painfully attempts to explain why it’s bad business to be a corrupt games magazine, and Nick explains that it’s Stockholm Syndrome. The attacks on John continue as Nick tries to uncover corruption in his past, and John wants to cry. Then we discuss Kieron Gillen’s riches, and RPS slash fiction.

Rum Doings Episode 56

jellycast — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 11:31:26 +0000

Heavens to Betsy, we're back. After a very well earned and enjoyable break, Rum Doings returns with a fifty-sixth episode. We discover the reasons behind little finger etiquette, recall Christmas, irritating anachronisms, and flu vaccines. John's hatred of chickens is exposed, Nick proves he's the same as Naomi Wolf, and Jesus sends John to hell. We introduce a new law, and then go on something of an extended rant about train-based digital displays.

Rum Doings Episode 55

jellycast — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 18:21:12 +0000

Episode 55 of Rum Doings sees a sleepy John and Nick not discussing something something something. But instead chatting about the weather. In an episode recorded before John died of the flu, we take leave of our senses and embrace Winter by drinking neat Pimms. We then consider Christmas meals, the reality of Father Christmas, and how to spend the season. And other Christmassy matters. With excellent impressions of the Queen. We ponder turkey, writing with pens, and the transmogrifying nature of Quality Street. We then proceed for forget the names of everyone ever. And discuss the theological implications of God's not having a beard.

Rum Doings Episode 54

jellycast — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 14:08:47 +0000

This week, in a 54th episode of Rum Doings, we don't discuss: Is it finally time to say a fond farewell to the sell-by date? But we do start arguing about coats and umbrellas. We consume prana, and biscuits. And then we are inspired to chat by the waiting questions on John's Formspring. And that's all the information you get, as since recording John's got flu and his hands and everythings hurt.

Rum Doings Episode 53

jellycast — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 15:05:48 +0000

In episode 53 of Rum Doings we don't discuss whether it's time to give up on the panda. We begin with an attempt to understand our favourite worst drink, Stroh. Then Nick gets concerned about how very, very old he is, and John is finally recognised Mozart. We discuss John's meeting Terry Jones and Terry Gilliam, whether Derren Brown has got his name wrong, and how John is the cause of all of Rum Doings' naughtiness. There's talk of Enid Blyton, today's vote about student tuition fees and my battling with Bath MP Don Foster, Lib Dem bingo, and bad documentaries about Calvin & Hobbes. Then via the topic of WikiLeaks, we end up with what will likely be understood to be a particularly controversial conversation about rape. Just so you know.

Rum Doings Episode 52

jellycast — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 14:56:35 +0000

Nick's going to kill me. In Rum Doings Episode 52, where we don't discuss why oh why the Russians have stolen our football, Nick and John weren't able to meet up. Due to interventions by the weather, illness, and her royal majesty the Queen, this week's episode was record in two separate locations, on our own. Because Skype is awful, and everyone should stop suggesting it. So we begin with Nick's monologue, in which he discusses colds, Kickstarter, and ideas for revolutionising the distribution of classical music. He postulates on how billionaires should be spending their money for the better good, and what is a word? You can read the essay he mentions here. Then it's John's turn. He discusses Rum Doings fans, Batman, science, outlandish racism, and the coexistence of dinosaurs and man. Learn how dinosaurs were vegetarians, who loves Nick, and which famous people were lucky enough to meet John yesterday. (And sorry to my friends who listen, whom I have remembered since.) Let's see how cross Nick gets.

Rum Doings Episode 51

jellycast — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 12:27:22 +0000

Rum Doings Episode 51 (episode 50 is in the same place as episode 40) begins with the subject that we're not discussing: what has happened to the good old fashioned British bread bin? But instead John goes through Nick's DVDs. Which he brought into the studio for some reason. We reminisce about John's radio days, getting caught for lying, Nickl starts lying, and musicals. The film John couldn't remember the name of was Guy And Madeline On A Park Bench. We discuss mega-churches, the modern pop music of the young people of today, and Cloud Cult. Then Michael Buerk, and David Starkey.

Rum Doings Episode 49

jellycast — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 14:04:34 +0000

Very welcome are you to Episode 49 of Rum Doings, during which we absolutely don't discuss whether it's time that PC local councils stopped trying to ban Christmas. Instead we discuss which bits are best in Private Eye, the cream tea emergency that is the Easy-Boy Armchair, and what shops will be gone in ten years time. Then we lament books. And Star Wars. And SCUBA diving! Nick invents Abuse Therapy, and John is fat. And of course gay videogame characters. Re Nick's suggestion, here are the links to Bastard Of The Old Republic, parts one, two, and three.

Rum Doings Episode 48

jellycast — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 11:02:06 +0000

For episode 48 of Rum Doings we don't discuss whether it's time to ban fireworks to protect our children. But we do attempt to guess what the internet and technology will look like in 2020. And look at the sad state of John's Kingdom of America. Then the best thing ever: 10,000 Dreams And Their Traditional Meanings. (Which turns out to be by Gustavus Hindman Miller.) John learns some Latin, we talk about the fight for the rainbow, and what it's like to watch a podcast being recorded. Nick then announces that Rock, Paper, Shotgun is not a blog. And then we discuss the lack of corruption in the industry. Many apologies for the very strange blippy nature of the recording. We've deemed it perfectly listenable, if a tiny bit annoying. If anyone knows what might be causing it, let us know. We're using a Logitech USB mic in a Win 7 HP Mini 311C, recording on Audacity. (If it helps, there seems to be a fictional 8 seconds at the end that doesn't exist, which is presumably the total time stolen by the blips.)

Rum Doings Episode 47

jellycast — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 14:40:35 +0100

In a forty-seventh episode of Rum Doings, we take our lead from your Twittered suggestions. But we don't discuss the fluoride conspiracy. We begin by reminiscing over the last two weeks of events in exquisite detail, before diving into your suggestions. Oh, and after killing a cat, live on air. What do centaurs do with their arms? Do our listeners hate Israel? A peculiarly placed review of Medal Of Honour. Nicknames. Do our listeners still hate Israel? How do we prefer to insulate our parcels? Premarital sex? Baseball! Prime numbers! What are our favourite most hated films? Hollywood musicals, and midi orchestras. That's more than enough.

Rum Doings Episode 46

jellycast — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 10:55:14 +0100

Episode 46 of Rum Doings begins with confusion over Ghostbusters cartoons. It turns out that Nick was talking about this, while John was talking about this. Not being discussed this week: Staycations. But Nick does want to discuss synthesised theme tunes. After quite a long diversion into this week's vile drink, John steers the conversation toward the Insane Clown Posse. This video being key: This was inspired by a wonderful article by Jon Ronson, which you can read here. Then it's time for Nick's polemic against Poetry, which gives John an excuse to rage about how much he dislikes Poetry Please. And now here's your homework. A full critical analysis, and what it means, sent to our email address. By Tuesday morning, please.

An ode to the tcp/ip protocols. A war of ice but doomsday thaws beneath A map of ink, once breached, a world unsaved; A frigid winter beckons, deadly wreath To words not launched, so bombs subsume the grave. But missiles questing on their morbid route Still need some tangled speech to guide them through A chain of words in terminal pursuit But wordly packets glitter forth like dew They spread themselves betwixt the frosted blades Fecundity of knowledge jumbled up Re-formed at every end in liquid braids Of speech now flowing into Man's shared cup For Cerf and allies thought it for the best That flames be naught but datagrams of text

We consider if accents can be racist, ban "How are you?", and complain about dreaming. Then Nick sings for us. And then completely ignores John's attempt to sing back. There's a teaser for a future discussion of CAP Alert, and then thoughts on Mary Poppins.

Rum Doings Episode 45

jellycast — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 15:53:53 +0100

Excuse the brevity in describing episode 45 of Rum Doings, but in an episode in which we don't discuss the abolishing of the pocket calculator (for children), we do discuss some subjects at length, and sometimes quite seriously. There's a lot of thoughts on the coalition government, for which you'll need this as a primer: Then Banksy and the Simpsons opening: And then the issues with Art With A Capital A.

Rum Doings Episode 44

jellycast — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 11:57:55 +0100

In the fourtiforth episode of Rum Doings we don't discuss the recovery of the ozone layer. But we do discuss the share value of Stephen Fry. And the peculiarity of Hugh Laurie's history. Chatting briefly about Nurse Jackie brings us to United States Of Tara, and thus dissociative identity disorder. And Dexter. The TV show. There's comments on Formspring, Homicide: Life On The Streets, and suddenly why does John live in Britain? Is he proud or something?! We turn into the world's oldest men and complain about cinema prices, and then the horror of plastic packaging. Somehow chat about films takes us to Nick telling John off for Vince Cable. And then scientific funding. Next, we ask those big impossible questions, like... oh, they're really simple. Find out why the sky's blue. And what we'd take from our burning houses. But the main reason for listening to today's episode is to find out whether Nick can get into the plastic packaging with only his fingers and teeth.

Rum Doings Episode 43

jellycast — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 12:04:16 +0100

This week on Rum Doings, episode 43, we don't discuss whether it's time to abolish the metric system. Instead we discuss John's adventures in France, and Nick's adventures in complaining about John. We talk about angry listeners, read French labels, and driving 1 litre cars with cup holders. And John makes a bold declaration: no more anecdotes. In an attempt to stop repeating anecdotes. Our French theme continues with recalling French lessons at school, then bad teachers, big vases, and exponentially expanding biscuits. There's an attempt to identify what fills Victoria Wood's bilious bag, confederate flags on British cars, and Nick teaches us Chinese. Then we handle the tragic death of Jimmy Heselden with extreme sensitivity. This takes us onto discussing those who were killed by inventions they were closely associated to. Then, as you'd expect, an exploration of the Chinese Five Pains Method.

Rum Doings Episode 42

jellycast — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 12:34:00 +0100

Rum Doings Episode 42 begins with a story. A very special story which you can buy here. What we're not discussing this week is: how do we get Britain's heathen backside heaved back onto a Christian pew? In an attempt to avoid the topic, we drink some Rum & Raisin non-alcoholic sadness. Naturally we discuss blocked ears, botched nose operations, dancing, the self-consciousness of theatre, and torrenting. We ponder ad-busting, last names, and green visa-waiver forms. And telephone scams!

Rum Doings Episode 41

jellycast — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 13:41:11 +0100

As you'll have noticed, by Episode 41 we're not funny any more. But it's fun to remember when we were. You may also be wondering where episode 40 is. Well, it's slipped out of time, and you'll have to live with that. Together we don't discuss whether we should bring back fox hunting, but we do drink blackcurrant and rum wine. Then Nick demands that John talk about web comics. We discuss our favourite comic to hate, User Friendly. And as mentioned, here's John's decade-old spoof: And then Nick makes John talk about Brian's Guide. And banks. And FOSDEM. There's a horrible story about the Discovery Channel, and uplifting stories about people's generosity. Then Mega Drives. And the future of consoles. And somehow Nick initiates this discussion.

Rum Doings Episode 39

jellycast — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 15:54:55 +0100

Episode 39 sees us not discussing: What can we do about Hula Hoops and comic books and their effect on the moral turpitude of the youth? Back on creaky furniture, arguing over mead, things feel very traditional but for Nick's peculiar quietness. We talk about times in the witch-encrusted New Forest. Nick reveals the location of Ann Frank's remains. Nuts are put in their place. We consider accents, shrieking families, and morris dancing. We talk with pleasure about Radio 4's former quiz show All The Way From Memphis. There's thoughts on Sherlock, Nick's holidays, and John's world exclusive weight loss programme. And Bath's weather.

Rum Doings Episode 38

jellycast — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 16:06:46 +0100

It's the summer, and to celebrate Nick and I are giving ourselves a break from the sickening sight of each other. So this Episode 38 is something of a "best of" I discovered while rooting around in the attic fifty years in the future. It collects together moments from episodes 1 to 10, which I'd forgotten, and you probably did too. Don't ignore it just because of that! It's really good! It's the half hour of decent bits from the first 450. In hindsight we probably should have included more decent bits. Nick sings! John doesn't! The origin of cream teas! What an unbelievable treat.

Rum Doings Episode 37

jellycast — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 12:43:07 +0100

We're not really here. We're in the past. In Episode 37 of Rum Doings we're speaking to you from history. We're not discussing whether organic produce is worth the premium for hard-working families. Can you still lie in? Should God save the Queen? Then something I can't bring myself to even type. But we can all see who really has the problem, Nick. Once Nick stops upsetting John with horrible comments, he then criticises John's job. Then criticises his washing machine. Why are John and Nick still friends, despite everything? What's the secret to our parody of success? Nick needs some suggestions for stopping the nasty boys in his neighbourhood on their noisy bikes. John tries to defend GPs. We then argue for more traffic wardens, and Traffic Politeness Officers. And the taint of BMWs. Then we ponder the great debate of our time: how do you deal with a fly in your cake cabinet in Starbucks? And when should you sue a Starbucks? Pencils, handwriting, passports, we cover all the big issues.

Rum Doings Episode 36

jellycast — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 10:56:58 +0100

Welcome to our web of lies. Become entwined in Episode 36's multitude of untruthful deceit. Be deceived by our woven evil. Then listen as John's house falls down. And while pictures are appearing, here's that bench: Then, pear/blueberry cider lengthily discussed, we get around to reading out some of the last million years of emails. And you kept telling us to do this, so you can't complain. Does Coke taste better out of a glass? What are the odds of sitting in the United States? Should we stop whining? Is Nick's science dodgy? Is that a microphone, or are you just pleased to be recording a podcast? Is Rupert Murdoch Australian? Is Nick safe in your dreams? Is there a more awful hairdressers name than this? We then sidetrack into discussing Richard Herring's As It Occurs To Me, at some length. Then when the name-dropping begins, Douglas Adams.

Rum Doings Episode 35

jellycast — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 12:02:14 +0100

It's a back to basics, good old fashioned family values 35th episode of Rum Doings. Just Nick, John, a microphone and a disgusting bottle of rum. And this week we're not discussing whether FIFA should have to bring in the rule that they should have the cameras in the goal posts to see if the goals are scored instigated. We bring you some genuinely excellent news from Sainsbury's (which apparently might be quite old news), and then move on to talk about John's weekend break, and the joys of a British B&B. This of course involves tales of ketchup and coffee. We talk about awful people, and responses to cold callers. Nick predicts the end-times, which brings us to the stories about the BP methane bubble. And where exactly does oil come from? We finish by talking about Raoul Moat, although this was recorded before Cameron made his remarkable comments about feeling no sympathy.

Rum Doings Episode 34

jellycast — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 11:14:20 +0100

Welcome to Rum Doings 34, what must be the most interrupted podcast of all the podcasts that we have podcasted. This week we're not talking about whether CCTV cameras have made our lives safer. Imbibed is a black cherry soda, which we risk drinking without protective goggles. And then within mere minutes the first phonecall arrives. And a cat. We attempt to explain BP's real crime, and then the phone rings yet again. Listen in to Nick's conversations! Be slightly bemused by what's going on! Don't call John's mum! A period of no interruptions features chat about Richard Herring, ordering wine, and ketchup. And then there's a knock at the front door. We then sniff a baby. Who becomes our very special guest, chattering away into the microphone, so quietly we couldn't hear it ourselves at first. There's some actual content when we talk about DVDs, piracy, and DRM. And why some businesses insist on telling their shareholders how badly they're doing.

Rum Doings Episode 33

jellycast — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 13:01:34 +0100

Welcome to Episode 33 of Rum Doings, an episode with a lot of introduction. Not discussed is whether Andy Murray has given up his hope to be the golden boy of British tennis. Our slightly room temperature root beers come from a fridge that later investigation revealed to in fact be on 3. Put your fridges to 4, everybody. We then attempt nostalgia comedy of the present, before drinking our illegal beverage. Nick does a splendid impression of a loud noise you'll have just heard, and then we talk Thatcher. We reveal why John's girlfriend has had to be put down, the Nazi origins of John's new car, and Nick explains why fried chicken is best. Christianity is renamed, houses are purchased through staring, and incredibly, John is doing some exercise. Nick dies, John's hirsute nature is discussed, we ponder those who swim, and we laugh at butterfly stroke.

Rum Doings Episode 32

jellycast — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 15:43:00 +0100

In our 32nd podcast, with Nick fully recovered from last week's cold, we don't discuss EEEEEEEERRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. We cover all bases when discussing football, ponder Trident, and wonder if cream teas work abroad. Then via coming out stories we discuss the James Randi Educational Foundation million dollar prize, dowsing, and how cold reading works. Then there's memories of some of the funniest moments of Magician Uri Geller looking like a fraud and a fool. Unfortunately the programme On Holiday With The Gellers is not on 4oD. Sadly we cannot link to the clip from Leverage, due to the pathetic stupidity of TNT demanding that the free promotion of the programme be removed from YouTube. But we do discuss a number of television programmes that have professed to demonstrate paranormal powers, and some that have set out to do the opposite. We consider the complexity of stochasticity, the uncomfortable nature of pranks, and we wonder at the wisdom of the NHS's "Wake Up To Rape" campaign. Meet John's sock puppet boss. And then there's a few words on the budget. Which you'll not be surprised to learn end up being more about the Matrix and how we annoy our friends.

Rum Doings Episode 31

jellycast — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 11:37:26 +0100

In an unprecedented 31st episode of Rum Doings we don't discuss whether we are dissatisfied with the results of the Liberal Tory coalition. Instead we attempt to muster some sense of interest in the football, but far more quickly find rounders and six year old cricket more interesting. There's thoughts on how Americans are much better at spelling than the British, potential new reality shows, and Biker Grove facts. Can you own slippers without a pipe? Who is the best audience for easy comedy? And how tidy should your desktop be? And we explore new territory in removing the funny from comedy. We recall our most dangerous teachers, and most criminal teachers, and plans to help gym teachers. Court-based naughty steps, short-cuts in French, and idling on runways. Then some clear rules about speaking on public transport.

Rum Doings Episode 30

jellycast — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 13:28:24 +0100

As you know we mark our every 10th episode with something very special. Our Now Show edition, special celebrity guest John Finnemore, and then for episode 30... John's girlfriend Laura! Calm down. Yes, indeed, episode 30 of Rum Doings contains a girl. Ew. The topic of this episode to not discuss: What are we to do about the tragedy of the increasing dearth of Britain's dwindling bees. Population. Obviously we recognise that a girl being on the podcast will upset a lot of people, so if you wish to send her hate mail, please address it to this address. We wonder at how a couple splits its mp3 collection, slander John's childhood girlfriends, and and listen as John's cat Dexter pathetically mews at the door. We concur that the Midlands are in the North, and then make sure we lose all our Midlander listeners. There's discussion of how bad episode 1 was, and how Laura is mad. Which science is best, and why Nick doesn't believe in Thor. John's job is pulled to pieces, with suggestions of features about Dexter in the Economist. Nick then sings the arcades. And what's wrong with a job building sandcastles?

Rum Doings Episode 29

jellycast — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 14:07:00 +0100

Welcome to a live episode 29 of Rum Doings, recorded at the precise moment you choose to listen to it. Nick begins with a quick impression of John's girlfriend, before explaining our topic for the day: Do we in England still have any politicians who are honest now, left? Dark secrets are revealed about the prisoners in John's basement, and then his racism against glasses. Nick demonstrates some rather disturbing biological news, reveals Michael Jackson's tastes in cervixceeses, and John attempts an Elmo impression. Find out how you are made of Coco Pops. We leap from National Trust houses to the powerful effect of John's kisses. Can you polish a turd? And then our treatise on how everything must be done in one trip. And unshopping. Lenny Henry joins the Radio 4 Curse, Money Box Live fails to get a caller under 90, and we remember what we found funny when we were stupid. Nick then courts controversy once more, raising our most comment-enangering subject once again. And so on.

Rum Doings Episode 28

jellycast — Thu, 27 May 2010 14:33:18 +0100

Rum Doings is not discussing: Why can an Englishman not defend his home by shooting a burglar in the back. This week John has a headache. So we talk about headaches. You know how we are. What else do we bring up? Television programmes we enjoy watching with our eyes. More dangerous ways of distributing gas. We argue about Doctor Who and sitcoms. We realise Rum Doings needs a trombonist. In fact, most of an orchestra. Of buskers. We learn how Nick lets his daughter suffocate, how long John's been a crybaby, and plans for genre twists. Can you Chinese-burn yourself? Can you touch your own winky? And what exactly is the fabric of our universe? And why don't the Jews like it?

Rum Doings Episode 27

jellycast — Fri, 21 May 2010 12:24:53 +0100

As we begin Rum Doings episode 27 we choose not to talk about Nick Clegg's Big Decision, but instead begin our Rum Doings Campaign: Save Our Fountains. We reveal our surprise liquor for the episode: a purple elixir named Parfait d'Amour. That's lemon flavoured. And makes the best glugging noise ever. Arguments break out about crucial matters, like tree roots, which Ford made cars, and a conversation about cross-dressing. John outlines his altruistic plan to let people know what they look like from behind, find out how to alert smelly people, and then Nick starts sniffing John. No, he does. We really do talk more about dead fountains. And then just as we were about to discover that Jesus invented the skateboard, Nick's phone rings. And then we break your ears. Sorry about that. You'll want to turn it down at this point. We discuss Mr Jobs's iPads device, and why it's a very silly thing. This lasts a while. Then we move on to a particularly splendid moment on Radio 4's You & Yours, and our fondness for the station's blind presenter, Peter Blind. We hate the blind. And all disabled people. And everyone else. And ourselves. We should warn you at this point, the story we go on to tell is of a harrowing nature that will cause the hair to fall out of your children. As Nick says, "revelations of skulduggery."

Rum Doings Episode 26

jellycast — Wed, 12 May 2010 10:39:27 +0100

Crikey-o-blimey! We're back! After a volcano-encouraged break, Rum Doings returns with episode 26 to not discuss whether the Americanisation of Britain gone one step too far? Instead John struggles with pomegranate wine, we ponder super-tasting, the merits of Marmite, and the Queen's insatiable loins. Inevitably we talk election, but having recorded this before Tuesday night, we weren't aware who our new King was to be. There's thoughts on the peculiar imbalance of political leanings in the press compared to the population, the difference between Scotland and England, and the source of John's self-loathing. Then we even discuss money stuff things. After the frivolity of this politics business, we then turn our attentions toward more serious matters: poo poo and wee wee. Inspired by a three year old, we consider the merits of poo, and what various people may look like as they perform one. Then we ascend to talk of asparagus wee, and the corrupted souls of those who cannot produce this potion, including nano-plans to fix this defection. Also, John tests the very limits of his girlfriend's tolerance. Also, what colour to political leaders wee? We finish with some absolutely shameful impressions of Gordon Brown.

Rum Doings Episode 25

jellycast — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 14:18:28 +0100

This week we neither discuss whether all drugs should be legalised, nor whether all drugs should be illegalised. Instead we tuck in to some absolutely delicious honey rum, and begin reading out some listener emails. We ponder vanilla ice cream, John's 30th birthday and his anti-social ways, which is the best time of day on a fuzzy clock, and analyse whether QI is the primary source of all sexism. Should dads post on Mumsnet? What do we think about airports? Are games journalists bribed? Did the games industry survive the piracy of the 80s? Can Nick break up Rock, Paper, Shotgun? We ponder the comedy of French & Saunders, and then condemn those who pretend not to care when planes take off. And then wonder about astronauts' private time.

Rum Doings Episode 24

jellycast — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 15:23:29 +0100

This week, in episode 24, we don't discuss: What with internet, the Facebook, Wiki and YouTubes, has information overload gotten the better of us? Instead we discuss only two things: stand up comedy and politics. But hopefully with enough varied approaches that it's not quite as dull as that description sounds. How could it be? We're the best! So we ask why are the most popular mainstream comics so popular, and what we wish they would do instead. We explore the difference between British and US stand up, and then via Stewart Lee we think about the BBC's Top Gear. This then moves onto a discussion about UKIP, and why they're trouble. Then more thoughts on the various parties in the forthcoming UK elections. And rum.

Rum Doings Episode 23

jellycast — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 15:31:33 +0100

This week we welcome back Martin Coxall for a second appearance, after last week's was so lovely with him. Don't worry if you're a purest - we've since had him sealed in concrete and buried in the North Sea, and next time it will be back to just Nick and John. The topic not under discussion is: Is the creeping cancer of violent videogames corrupting our kiddies? Moving quickly on, we discover that John wants to be a tall poppy, and then move on to the drinks Martin bought for us. A tub of coconut milk, and a tin of Nourishmilk. Which will be so revolting we pour it down the sink? How can you resist finding out? Then discover what Nick and Martin really think of John when he's out the room. Find out how to circumnavigate a gastric band, and then discussions of the two types of hunger. Nick then lectures two fat people on how to be thin, which inevitably means discussing the Cheesecake Factory and desserts. Then a really quite heated debate about strawberries, woolly jumper apples, the ripeness of bananas, and the sheer arrogance of rhubarb. Which countries have the worst breakfasts? And what's the best offal? Then continuing what's become a food theme, there's more discussion of custard and Angel Delight than you could possibly have hoped for. If you wish to defend chocolate custard, get in touch at the email address below. Then thermal conductivity. Which would be more dangerous to come back to life, the raptor or the t-rex? Learn how to bring them back to find out! And how Ridley Scott could kill us all. What noise did a dodo make? And where did chickens come from? And then... I'm not even going to associate myself with it. I think it might be the funniest moment on Rum Doings ever. Be warned, it's not okay for gentle ears. But let's never speak of it.

Rum Doings Episode 22

jellycast — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 14:14:21 +0000

This week we're not discussing: Is Britain now too much in the thrall of the celebrity culture? Which is harder to say than you might imagine. Joining us this week, as a special guest, is non-celebrity and friend of ours, Martin Coxall. Nick and I have known him for almost as long as we've known each other, so he's a natural inclusion into this nonsense. Martin sits in the creaky chair, and provides the creaking John would more usually offer. Things begin with criticising John's road rage, then criticising John's pronunciation of years, and a quick insult to the pope. Then we open the mysterious bag containing a mystery rum gift from Victoria, Nick's wife. What will it be? Will it inevitably be horrible? But then, calamity! An entire pint of coffee is spilt on the carpet, and gets dangerously close to dominating the entire recording. Which is better for you? Special K, or Frosties? We reveal the TRUTH. Then we rant against the sanctimonious nature of breakfast cereals, the fear of buying tampons, and then more criticising of John for knowing about periods. That of course brings three men to discuss periods to a depth you probably didn't want.

Rum Doings Episode 21

jellycast — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 12:46:08 +0000

Recording in Nick's brother's "studio", in episode 21 we immediately find ourselves discussing the splendid subject of slugs. Before we've even introduced the subject we aren't discussing. Which is: Is bad language the sign of a poor vocabulary, and a poorer imagination? Have you ever rifled through someone's bathroom cabinet? Surely no one really would. But what about interviewing technique? Should you allow the interviewee to answer a question? And how about the works of Mr and Mrs Christ's Enterprise? These are things we talk about! There's chat about conspiracists, the absolute fact that the Taleban is the Queen's personal army, and then we celebrate mighty man of history, King Cnut. Gravelly-voiced singers, the perils of copyright, and Nick's fascinating discussion of the colour of the sky, all bring us to the ultimate email we've received. I use "ultimate" quite deliberately. I feel quite sure it can't be beaten. If you want to prove us wrong, contact us here. Find out quite how uncommitted you are compared to these two. We leap like verbal gazelles from jerk chicken to President Clinton, Amnesty failings to Sonny and Cher's involvement in the situation in the Middle East. And yes, of course, Ramsey's Messianic Kitchen Nightmares. Learn John's criminal history, and then... a big musical finish! What an episode.

Rum Doings Episode 20

jellycast — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 12:40:38 +0000

In a very special edition of Rum Doings, we are joined by comedy writer John Finnemore. We have discussed Finnemore's work on Rum Doings in the past, especially the fantastic Radio 4 sitcom Cabin Pressure. He's worked on very many radio and television comedies, perhaps most notably as a lead writer for Mitchell & Webb on both Radio 4 and the BBC, and despite this still agreed to join us for our twentieth episode. The topic not under discussion this week is: how are we going to inoculate ourselves against Britain's road rage epidemic. You'll not be surprised to learn much of the topics this week are radio comedy - a subject we've spoken about a great deal before. We begin with Cabin Pressure, and quickly move on to the sitcoms that inspired Finnemore, especially Yes Minister. Find out which surprising 70s sitcom David Mitchell is a fan of, as well as a brief dissection of The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin. Nick attempts to get John in trouble, telling tales about his disliking of Fawlty Towers, and then everything goes horribly wrong... Finnemore defends Victoria Wood's 'dinnerladies'. Oh dear. It all falls apart. It almost comes to blows. Fortunately we quickly move on to John Shuttleworth, good comedy we can all agree on. This takes us to Dad's Army, which in turn brings us back to Cabin Pressure, especially the desert episode and the fantastic appearance of John Sessions. Nick then launches into a brilliant attempt to tell Finnemore that he's wrong about the nature of one of his own characters - one he even voices himself. This leads to a lovely discussion of the nature of happiness, as viewed through the Goons. After more discussion of Cabin Pressure, then talk of the relationship between The Mitchell & Webb Sound and Look, we arrive at the topic of comedians doing advertising. Then changing from commercials to the other side, there's talk of why the BBC is such a great thing but so desperately lacking self-confidence.

Rum Doings Episode 19

jellycast — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 13:53:39 +0000

This week's topic isn't: Why are we English too ASHAMED to celebrate St. George's Day with due dignity and respect, properly? Which is embarrassing to even type. Things more realistically begin with an explanation of the spiteful nature of tea, pet names for pets, and that which we've changed from hating to liking. Find out what temperature we've decided will keep your babies alive, and how John disagrees with all baby-based wisdom, leading to Nick denying his daughter her wings. Of course we talk about Mr Blobby, and Noel's House Party, and the Late Late Breakfast Show. But you'd been expecting that. And find out who electrocuted an elephant to death. Hear Nick play the mouth-banjo. Don't hear Nick tell his Oxford interview story. But do hear stories of examinations. This takes us back to school days, remembering teachers good and bad, and times we went out of our way to get in trouble. And then, more positively, favourite teachers.

Rum Doings Episode 18

jellycast — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 13:11:55 +0000

In an unprecedented eighteenth episode of Rum Doings we don't discuss what we will do on Earth about potholes. However, we do quite brilliantly demonstrate how to drink. And then immediately return to our favourite topic of recent times: ketchup. Via some quite astonishing observation comedy, of course. But we promise the ketchup talk is confined to only the beginning. Then there's happy stories of service experiences, which leads us to what will be remembered by history as the greatest series of "time" themed puns mankind has ever heard. And welcome to the new job title: the shorekeeper. Then there's Nick's racist t-shirt and his mule child. Then it's time for part two of The Rules, which those who didn't want us to do any more will be pleased to learn completes the collection. Where we learn that all our listeners should all embrace death, because they can't be bothered to promote us or write to us.

Rum Doings Episode 17

jellycast — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 12:45:09 +0000

In our seventeenth episode of Rum Doings we don't ask the question: Who will diffuse Britain's ticking immigration time-bomb? Instead we focus on more pressing matters: plum jam and ketchup. We briefly recognise how awful the Simpsons is, before tucking into a glass of plum sake, and moving on to the dominant subject of the episode: Britain's miserly distribution of tomato ketchup. This episode, recorded on Monday, refers to the harrowing events of the preceding Valentine's Day. Along the way we explore the options for entertainment available at Cheddar Gorge for a remarkable bargain price! When we finally get to the restaurant story you can enjoy Nick's precise use of the word "niggardly", and then join us in our celebration of British service culture.

Rum Doings Episode 16

jellycast — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 09:20:07 +0000

We're not afraid to not discuss the subjects that aren't topical, and such it is that we're not discussing the true meaning of Christmas. Instead we begin with a celebration of oat milk, whatever on Earth it might be. First the carton is dissected, and then the insides are consumed. Will we like it? Will we paw at our tongues?

Rum Doings Episode 15

jellycast — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 14:15:29 +0000

It's the fifteenth episode. They said it would never last this long. This "they" being the people who knew we were going to try to drink Tesco Value White Rum. This week not under discussion is the matter: has the iPad lived up to the media hype? So instead we talk about John's loss of nomenclature, and then almost kill ourselves with a frighteningly awful liquid. This week's episode is mostly dictated by the commands of one "Royston", who left a comment on episode 13 in which he listed subjects he would like to hear discussed. Somehow missing his opening entry, "Wales", we otherwise followed his instructions. Which were: St Wilgefortis Battlestar Galactica Action Figures Sufjan Stevens Favoured Condiments

Rum Doings Episode 14

jellycast — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 16:44:29 +0000

Persisting in this new weekly habit, Rum Doings episode 14 certainly doesn't discuss its chosen topic, What Should We Do About The Wheeliebin? It's with troubling enthusiasm that we begin this latest episode, despite the blatant lack of rum in our hands. Your rules, we don't play by them. This week our drink is, instead, honeybush tea. Things we do talk about include the paradoxical anomaly that is BBC 1's Outnumbered, why Russell Davies doesn't deserve his "T", the plot holes in Press Gang, obviousness in writing, and ask why can't people enjoy their superpowers? There's revelations of Michael Moore, and then of course the discussion we've all be expecting: who should be the next Archbishop of Canterbury. Then, at long last, Nick's brief lecture on Derrida. Which is genuinely our most requested topic.

Rum Doings Episode 13

jellycast — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 14:21:59 +0000

Distracted by a new rum, we take a long time to get around to introducing the topic we're not discussing: Whatever happened to sitting down for dinner as a whole family? Instead we find ourselves discussing Scientology, random word snap, and then dive head-first into a chasm of self-indulgence, and discuss the Rum Doings origin story. How John and Nick met, the creation of (the now deceased) Glebe's Thrift Funnel, and then our dalliance with the stars. As regular listeners will remember, Nick and John have a "no false modesty" rule, and included in this is what so many call "name-dropping", but we call "talking about people we met." We relate the stories of our adventures in the nineties in which we met many of our heroes.

Rum Doings Episode 12

jellycast — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 13:47:57 +0000

In our first Rum Doings of 2010, we don't discuss whatever happened to Britain's supplies of salt. Enjoying a cocktail known as A Snowball For The Year 2000, we begin with an excellent description of Nick from a listener, that sets us off onto a discussion of alternative ways of pronouncing words, and the definition of "enormity", and why using Windows is like being a tourist in Egypt. Then, as was perhaps somewhat inevitable, there's discussion of the weather. And weather forecasting. We're enormously right.

rumdoings_e11.mp3

jellycast — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 12:53:02 +0000

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