Rum Doings

Rum Doings Episode 42

jellycast — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 12:34:00 +0100

Rum Doings Episode 42 begins with a story. A very special story which you can buy here. What we're not discussing this week is: how do we get Britain's heathen backside heaved back onto a Christian pew? In an attempt to avoid the topic, we drink some Rum & Raisin non-alcoholic sadness. Naturally we discuss blocked ears, botched nose operations, dancing, the self-consciousness of theatre, and torrenting. We ponder ad-busting, last names, and green visa-waiver forms. And telephone scams!

Rum Doings Episode 41

jellycast — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 13:41:11 +0100

As you'll have noticed, by Episode 41 we're not funny any more. But it's fun to remember when we were. You may also be wondering where episode 40 is. Well, it's slipped out of time, and you'll have to live with that. Together we don't discuss whether we should bring back fox hunting, but we do drink blackcurrant and rum wine. Then Nick demands that John talk about web comics. We discuss our favourite comic to hate, User Friendly. And as mentioned, here's John's decade-old spoof: And then Nick makes John talk about Brian's Guide. And banks. And FOSDEM. There's a horrible story about the Discovery Channel, and uplifting stories about people's generosity. Then Mega Drives. And the future of consoles. And somehow Nick initiates this discussion.

Rum Doings Episode 39

jellycast — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 15:54:55 +0100

Episode 39 sees us not discussing: What can we do about Hula Hoops and comic books and their effect on the moral turpitude of the youth? Back on creaky furniture, arguing over mead, things feel very traditional but for Nick's peculiar quietness. We talk about times in the witch-encrusted New Forest. Nick reveals the location of Ann Frank's remains. Nuts are put in their place. We consider accents, shrieking families, and morris dancing. We talk with pleasure about Radio 4's former quiz show All The Way From Memphis. There's thoughts on Sherlock, Nick's holidays, and John's world exclusive weight loss programme. And Bath's weather.

Rum Doings Episode 38

jellycast — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 16:06:46 +0100

It's the summer, and to celebrate Nick and I are giving ourselves a break from the sickening sight of each other. So this Episode 38 is something of a "best of" I discovered while rooting around in the attic fifty years in the future. It collects together moments from episodes 1 to 10, which I'd forgotten, and you probably did too. Don't ignore it just because of that! It's really good! It's the half hour of decent bits from the first 450. In hindsight we probably should have included more decent bits. Nick sings! John doesn't! The origin of cream teas! What an unbelievable treat.

Rum Doings Episode 37

jellycast — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 12:43:07 +0100

We're not really here. We're in the past. In Episode 37 of Rum Doings we're speaking to you from history. We're not discussing whether organic produce is worth the premium for hard-working families. Can you still lie in? Should God save the Queen? Then something I can't bring myself to even type. But we can all see who really has the problem, Nick. Once Nick stops upsetting John with horrible comments, he then criticises John's job. Then criticises his washing machine. Why are John and Nick still friends, despite everything? What's the secret to our parody of success? Nick needs some suggestions for stopping the nasty boys in his neighbourhood on their noisy bikes. John tries to defend GPs. We then argue for more traffic wardens, and Traffic Politeness Officers. And the taint of BMWs. Then we ponder the great debate of our time: how do you deal with a fly in your cake cabinet in Starbucks? And when should you sue a Starbucks? Pencils, handwriting, passports, we cover all the big issues.

Rum Doings Episode 36

jellycast — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 10:56:58 +0100

Welcome to our web of lies. Become entwined in Episode 36's multitude of untruthful deceit. Be deceived by our woven evil. Then listen as John's house falls down. And while pictures are appearing, here's that bench: Then, pear/blueberry cider lengthily discussed, we get around to reading out some of the last million years of emails. And you kept telling us to do this, so you can't complain. Does Coke taste better out of a glass? What are the odds of sitting in the United States? Should we stop whining? Is Nick's science dodgy? Is that a microphone, or are you just pleased to be recording a podcast? Is Rupert Murdoch Australian? Is Nick safe in your dreams? Is there a more awful hairdressers name than this? We then sidetrack into discussing Richard Herring's As It Occurs To Me, at some length. Then when the name-dropping begins, Douglas Adams.

Rum Doings Episode 35

jellycast — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 12:02:14 +0100

It's a back to basics, good old fashioned family values 35th episode of Rum Doings. Just Nick, John, a microphone and a disgusting bottle of rum. And this week we're not discussing whether FIFA should have to bring in the rule that they should have the cameras in the goal posts to see if the goals are scored instigated. We bring you some genuinely excellent news from Sainsbury's (which apparently might be quite old news), and then move on to talk about John's weekend break, and the joys of a British B&B. This of course involves tales of ketchup and coffee. We talk about awful people, and responses to cold callers. Nick predicts the end-times, which brings us to the stories about the BP methane bubble. And where exactly does oil come from? We finish by talking about Raoul Moat, although this was recorded before Cameron made his remarkable comments about feeling no sympathy.

Rum Doings Episode 34

jellycast — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 11:14:20 +0100

Welcome to Rum Doings 34, what must be the most interrupted podcast of all the podcasts that we have podcasted. This week we're not talking about whether CCTV cameras have made our lives safer. Imbibed is a black cherry soda, which we risk drinking without protective goggles. And then within mere minutes the first phonecall arrives. And a cat. We attempt to explain BP's real crime, and then the phone rings yet again. Listen in to Nick's conversations! Be slightly bemused by what's going on! Don't call John's mum! A period of no interruptions features chat about Richard Herring, ordering wine, and ketchup. And then there's a knock at the front door. We then sniff a baby. Who becomes our very special guest, chattering away into the microphone, so quietly we couldn't hear it ourselves at first. There's some actual content when we talk about DVDs, piracy, and DRM. And why some businesses insist on telling their shareholders how badly they're doing.

Rum Doings Episode 33

jellycast — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 13:01:34 +0100

Welcome to Episode 33 of Rum Doings, an episode with a lot of introduction. Not discussed is whether Andy Murray has given up his hope to be the golden boy of British tennis. Our slightly room temperature root beers come from a fridge that later investigation revealed to in fact be on 3. Put your fridges to 4, everybody. We then attempt nostalgia comedy of the present, before drinking our illegal beverage. Nick does a splendid impression of a loud noise you'll have just heard, and then we talk Thatcher. We reveal why John's girlfriend has had to be put down, the Nazi origins of John's new car, and Nick explains why fried chicken is best. Christianity is renamed, houses are purchased through staring, and incredibly, John is doing some exercise. Nick dies, John's hirsute nature is discussed, we ponder those who swim, and we laugh at butterfly stroke.

Rum Doings Episode 32

jellycast — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 15:43:00 +0100

In our 32nd podcast, with Nick fully recovered from last week's cold, we don't discuss EEEEEEEERRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. We cover all bases when discussing football, ponder Trident, and wonder if cream teas work abroad. Then via coming out stories we discuss the James Randi Educational Foundation million dollar prize, dowsing, and how cold reading works. Then there's memories of some of the funniest moments of Magician Uri Geller looking like a fraud and a fool. Unfortunately the programme On Holiday With The Gellers is not on 4oD. Sadly we cannot link to the clip from Leverage, due to the pathetic stupidity of TNT demanding that the free promotion of the programme be removed from YouTube. But we do discuss a number of television programmes that have professed to demonstrate paranormal powers, and some that have set out to do the opposite. We consider the complexity of stochasticity, the uncomfortable nature of pranks, and we wonder at the wisdom of the NHS's "Wake Up To Rape" campaign. Meet John's sock puppet boss. And then there's a few words on the budget. Which you'll not be surprised to learn end up being more about the Matrix and how we annoy our friends.

Rum Doings Episode 31

jellycast — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 11:37:26 +0100

In an unprecedented 31st episode of Rum Doings we don't discuss whether we are dissatisfied with the results of the Liberal Tory coalition. Instead we attempt to muster some sense of interest in the football, but far more quickly find rounders and six year old cricket more interesting. There's thoughts on how Americans are much better at spelling than the British, potential new reality shows, and Biker Grove facts. Can you own slippers without a pipe? Who is the best audience for easy comedy? And how tidy should your desktop be? And we explore new territory in removing the funny from comedy. We recall our most dangerous teachers, and most criminal teachers, and plans to help gym teachers. Court-based naughty steps, short-cuts in French, and idling on runways. Then some clear rules about speaking on public transport.

Rum Doings Episode 30

jellycast — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 13:28:24 +0100

As you know we mark our every 10th episode with something very special. Our Now Show edition, special celebrity guest John Finnemore, and then for episode 30... John's girlfriend Laura! Calm down. Yes, indeed, episode 30 of Rum Doings contains a girl. Ew. The topic of this episode to not discuss: What are we to do about the tragedy of the increasing dearth of Britain's dwindling bees. Population. Obviously we recognise that a girl being on the podcast will upset a lot of people, so if you wish to send her hate mail, please address it to this address. We wonder at how a couple splits its mp3 collection, slander John's childhood girlfriends, and and listen as John's cat Dexter pathetically mews at the door. We concur that the Midlands are in the North, and then make sure we lose all our Midlander listeners. There's discussion of how bad episode 1 was, and how Laura is mad. Which science is best, and why Nick doesn't believe in Thor. John's job is pulled to pieces, with suggestions of features about Dexter in the Economist. Nick then sings the arcades. And what's wrong with a job building sandcastles?

Rum Doings Episode 29

jellycast — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 14:07:00 +0100

Welcome to a live episode 29 of Rum Doings, recorded at the precise moment you choose to listen to it. Nick begins with a quick impression of John's girlfriend, before explaining our topic for the day: Do we in England still have any politicians who are honest now, left? Dark secrets are revealed about the prisoners in John's basement, and then his racism against glasses. Nick demonstrates some rather disturbing biological news, reveals Michael Jackson's tastes in cervixceeses, and John attempts an Elmo impression. Find out how you are made of Coco Pops. We leap from National Trust houses to the powerful effect of John's kisses. Can you polish a turd? And then our treatise on how everything must be done in one trip. And unshopping. Lenny Henry joins the Radio 4 Curse, Money Box Live fails to get a caller under 90, and we remember what we found funny when we were stupid. Nick then courts controversy once more, raising our most comment-enangering subject once again. And so on.

Rum Doings Episode 28

jellycast — Thu, 27 May 2010 14:33:18 +0100

Rum Doings is not discussing: Why can an Englishman not defend his home by shooting a burglar in the back. This week John has a headache. So we talk about headaches. You know how we are. What else do we bring up? Television programmes we enjoy watching with our eyes. More dangerous ways of distributing gas. We argue about Doctor Who and sitcoms. We realise Rum Doings needs a trombonist. In fact, most of an orchestra. Of buskers. We learn how Nick lets his daughter suffocate, how long John's been a crybaby, and plans for genre twists. Can you Chinese-burn yourself? Can you touch your own winky? And what exactly is the fabric of our universe? And why don't the Jews like it?

Rum Doings Episode 27

jellycast — Fri, 21 May 2010 12:24:53 +0100

As we begin Rum Doings episode 27 we choose not to talk about Nick Clegg's Big Decision, but instead begin our Rum Doings Campaign: Save Our Fountains. We reveal our surprise liquor for the episode: a purple elixir named Parfait d'Amour. That's lemon flavoured. And makes the best glugging noise ever. Arguments break out about crucial matters, like tree roots, which Ford made cars, and a conversation about cross-dressing. John outlines his altruistic plan to let people know what they look like from behind, find out how to alert smelly people, and then Nick starts sniffing John. No, he does. We really do talk more about dead fountains. And then just as we were about to discover that Jesus invented the skateboard, Nick's phone rings. And then we break your ears. Sorry about that. You'll want to turn it down at this point. We discuss Mr Jobs's iPads device, and why it's a very silly thing. This lasts a while. Then we move on to a particularly splendid moment on Radio 4's You & Yours, and our fondness for the station's blind presenter, Peter Blind. We hate the blind. And all disabled people. And everyone else. And ourselves. We should warn you at this point, the story we go on to tell is of a harrowing nature that will cause the hair to fall out of your children. As Nick says, "revelations of skulduggery."

Rum Doings Episode 26

jellycast — Wed, 12 May 2010 10:39:27 +0100

Crikey-o-blimey! We're back! After a volcano-encouraged break, Rum Doings returns with episode 26 to not discuss whether the Americanisation of Britain gone one step too far? Instead John struggles with pomegranate wine, we ponder super-tasting, the merits of Marmite, and the Queen's insatiable loins. Inevitably we talk election, but having recorded this before Tuesday night, we weren't aware who our new King was to be. There's thoughts on the peculiar imbalance of political leanings in the press compared to the population, the difference between Scotland and England, and the source of John's self-loathing. Then we even discuss money stuff things. After the frivolity of this politics business, we then turn our attentions toward more serious matters: poo poo and wee wee. Inspired by a three year old, we consider the merits of poo, and what various people may look like as they perform one. Then we ascend to talk of asparagus wee, and the corrupted souls of those who cannot produce this potion, including nano-plans to fix this defection. Also, John tests the very limits of his girlfriend's tolerance. Also, what colour to political leaders wee? We finish with some absolutely shameful impressions of Gordon Brown.

Rum Doings Episode 25

jellycast — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 14:18:28 +0100

This week we neither discuss whether all drugs should be legalised, nor whether all drugs should be illegalised. Instead we tuck in to some absolutely delicious honey rum, and begin reading out some listener emails. We ponder vanilla ice cream, John's 30th birthday and his anti-social ways, which is the best time of day on a fuzzy clock, and analyse whether QI is the primary source of all sexism. Should dads post on Mumsnet? What do we think about airports? Are games journalists bribed? Did the games industry survive the piracy of the 80s? Can Nick break up Rock, Paper, Shotgun? We ponder the comedy of French & Saunders, and then condemn those who pretend not to care when planes take off. And then wonder about astronauts' private time.

Rum Doings Episode 24

jellycast — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 15:23:29 +0100

This week, in episode 24, we don't discuss: What with internet, the Facebook, Wiki and YouTubes, has information overload gotten the better of us? Instead we discuss only two things: stand up comedy and politics. But hopefully with enough varied approaches that it's not quite as dull as that description sounds. How could it be? We're the best! So we ask why are the most popular mainstream comics so popular, and what we wish they would do instead. We explore the difference between British and US stand up, and then via Stewart Lee we think about the BBC's Top Gear. This then moves onto a discussion about UKIP, and why they're trouble. Then more thoughts on the various parties in the forthcoming UK elections. And rum.

Rum Doings Episode 23

jellycast — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 15:31:33 +0100

This week we welcome back Martin Coxall for a second appearance, after last week's was so lovely with him. Don't worry if you're a purest - we've since had him sealed in concrete and buried in the North Sea, and next time it will be back to just Nick and John. The topic not under discussion is: Is the creeping cancer of violent videogames corrupting our kiddies? Moving quickly on, we discover that John wants to be a tall poppy, and then move on to the drinks Martin bought for us. A tub of coconut milk, and a tin of Nourishmilk. Which will be so revolting we pour it down the sink? How can you resist finding out? Then discover what Nick and Martin really think of John when he's out the room. Find out how to circumnavigate a gastric band, and then discussions of the two types of hunger. Nick then lectures two fat people on how to be thin, which inevitably means discussing the Cheesecake Factory and desserts. Then a really quite heated debate about strawberries, woolly jumper apples, the ripeness of bananas, and the sheer arrogance of rhubarb. Which countries have the worst breakfasts? And what's the best offal? Then continuing what's become a food theme, there's more discussion of custard and Angel Delight than you could possibly have hoped for. If you wish to defend chocolate custard, get in touch at the email address below. Then thermal conductivity. Which would be more dangerous to come back to life, the raptor or the t-rex? Learn how to bring them back to find out! And how Ridley Scott could kill us all. What noise did a dodo make? And where did chickens come from? And then... I'm not even going to associate myself with it. I think it might be the funniest moment on Rum Doings ever. Be warned, it's not okay for gentle ears. But let's never speak of it.

Rum Doings Episode 22

jellycast — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 14:14:21 +0000

This week we're not discussing: Is Britain now too much in the thrall of the celebrity culture? Which is harder to say than you might imagine. Joining us this week, as a special guest, is non-celebrity and friend of ours, Martin Coxall. Nick and I have known him for almost as long as we've known each other, so he's a natural inclusion into this nonsense. Martin sits in the creaky chair, and provides the creaking John would more usually offer. Things begin with criticising John's road rage, then criticising John's pronunciation of years, and a quick insult to the pope. Then we open the mysterious bag containing a mystery rum gift from Victoria, Nick's wife. What will it be? Will it inevitably be horrible? But then, calamity! An entire pint of coffee is spilt on the carpet, and gets dangerously close to dominating the entire recording. Which is better for you? Special K, or Frosties? We reveal the TRUTH. Then we rant against the sanctimonious nature of breakfast cereals, the fear of buying tampons, and then more criticising of John for knowing about periods. That of course brings three men to discuss periods to a depth you probably didn't want.

Rum Doings Episode 21

jellycast — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 12:46:08 +0000

Recording in Nick's brother's "studio", in episode 21 we immediately find ourselves discussing the splendid subject of slugs. Before we've even introduced the subject we aren't discussing. Which is: Is bad language the sign of a poor vocabulary, and a poorer imagination? Have you ever rifled through someone's bathroom cabinet? Surely no one really would. But what about interviewing technique? Should you allow the interviewee to answer a question? And how about the works of Mr and Mrs Christ's Enterprise? These are things we talk about! There's chat about conspiracists, the absolute fact that the Taleban is the Queen's personal army, and then we celebrate mighty man of history, King Cnut. Gravelly-voiced singers, the perils of copyright, and Nick's fascinating discussion of the colour of the sky, all bring us to the ultimate email we've received. I use "ultimate" quite deliberately. I feel quite sure it can't be beaten. If you want to prove us wrong, contact us here. Find out quite how uncommitted you are compared to these two. We leap like verbal gazelles from jerk chicken to President Clinton, Amnesty failings to Sonny and Cher's involvement in the situation in the Middle East. And yes, of course, Ramsey's Messianic Kitchen Nightmares. Learn John's criminal history, and then... a big musical finish! What an episode.

Rum Doings Episode 20

jellycast — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 12:40:38 +0000

In a very special edition of Rum Doings, we are joined by comedy writer John Finnemore. We have discussed Finnemore's work on Rum Doings in the past, especially the fantastic Radio 4 sitcom Cabin Pressure. He's worked on very many radio and television comedies, perhaps most notably as a lead writer for Mitchell & Webb on both Radio 4 and the BBC, and despite this still agreed to join us for our twentieth episode. The topic not under discussion this week is: how are we going to inoculate ourselves against Britain's road rage epidemic. You'll not be surprised to learn much of the topics this week are radio comedy - a subject we've spoken about a great deal before. We begin with Cabin Pressure, and quickly move on to the sitcoms that inspired Finnemore, especially Yes Minister. Find out which surprising 70s sitcom David Mitchell is a fan of, as well as a brief dissection of The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin. Nick attempts to get John in trouble, telling tales about his disliking of Fawlty Towers, and then everything goes horribly wrong... Finnemore defends Victoria Wood's 'dinnerladies'. Oh dear. It all falls apart. It almost comes to blows. Fortunately we quickly move on to John Shuttleworth, good comedy we can all agree on. This takes us to Dad's Army, which in turn brings us back to Cabin Pressure, especially the desert episode and the fantastic appearance of John Sessions. Nick then launches into a brilliant attempt to tell Finnemore that he's wrong about the nature of one of his own characters - one he even voices himself. This leads to a lovely discussion of the nature of happiness, as viewed through the Goons. After more discussion of Cabin Pressure, then talk of the relationship between The Mitchell & Webb Sound and Look, we arrive at the topic of comedians doing advertising. Then changing from commercials to the other side, there's talk of why the BBC is such a great thing but so desperately lacking self-confidence.

Rum Doings Episode 19

jellycast — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 13:53:39 +0000

This week's topic isn't: Why are we English too ASHAMED to celebrate St. George's Day with due dignity and respect, properly? Which is embarrassing to even type. Things more realistically begin with an explanation of the spiteful nature of tea, pet names for pets, and that which we've changed from hating to liking. Find out what temperature we've decided will keep your babies alive, and how John disagrees with all baby-based wisdom, leading to Nick denying his daughter her wings. Of course we talk about Mr Blobby, and Noel's House Party, and the Late Late Breakfast Show. But you'd been expecting that. And find out who electrocuted an elephant to death. Hear Nick play the mouth-banjo. Don't hear Nick tell his Oxford interview story. But do hear stories of examinations. This takes us back to school days, remembering teachers good and bad, and times we went out of our way to get in trouble. And then, more positively, favourite teachers.

Rum Doings Episode 18

jellycast — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 13:11:55 +0000

In an unprecedented eighteenth episode of Rum Doings we don't discuss what we will do on Earth about potholes. However, we do quite brilliantly demonstrate how to drink. And then immediately return to our favourite topic of recent times: ketchup. Via some quite astonishing observation comedy, of course. But we promise the ketchup talk is confined to only the beginning. Then there's happy stories of service experiences, which leads us to what will be remembered by history as the greatest series of "time" themed puns mankind has ever heard. And welcome to the new job title: the shorekeeper. Then there's Nick's racist t-shirt and his mule child. Then it's time for part two of The Rules, which those who didn't want us to do any more will be pleased to learn completes the collection. Where we learn that all our listeners should all embrace death, because they can't be bothered to promote us or write to us.

Rum Doings Episode 17

jellycast — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 12:45:09 +0000

In our seventeenth episode of Rum Doings we don't ask the question: Who will diffuse Britain's ticking immigration time-bomb? Instead we focus on more pressing matters: plum jam and ketchup. We briefly recognise how awful the Simpsons is, before tucking into a glass of plum sake, and moving on to the dominant subject of the episode: Britain's miserly distribution of tomato ketchup. This episode, recorded on Monday, refers to the harrowing events of the preceding Valentine's Day. Along the way we explore the options for entertainment available at Cheddar Gorge for a remarkable bargain price! When we finally get to the restaurant story you can enjoy Nick's precise use of the word "niggardly", and then join us in our celebration of British service culture.